The holidays are here.  Are you ready?  

For a family that's been through divorce, holidays can be hard. Days that were once fun and exciting can invoke a sense of dread.  Traditions that were special can feel like duty, trying to get through all of the memories, knowing the day will not feel the same.  

For this reason, I often take trips with my kids around the holidays rather than celebrate at home in a traditional way.  I suppose running from heartbreak probably isn't the answer, but I like to give it a good try.  I'll take a plane, train, or an automobile if it gets me out of holiday heartbreak.

Our holiday trips have become so enjoyable that we prefer them to traditional holidays.  I'm no longer running away from the holidays, now I look forward to them.  Our vacations have become a time of reset for us, a time to focus on God and our relationships.  

I had a recent conversation with a friend who was planning an annual Christmas party at his small business.  He was wondering if he should change the name to Holiday Party instead of Christmas Party so he didn't offend non-Christian guests.  "It doesn't bother me to change the name," he said, "because it is a work party and not about God.  It truly is a holiday party."

It was an interesting comment that made me think.  I wonder how many of our Christmas parties are holiday parties.  For that matter, how many of our traditions are merely holiday traditions?  Do they really celebrate Christ?  That's when I finally understood my avoidance.  I dread holiday parties, not Christmas itself.  In fact, I adore Christmas.

So, as I book my vacation this holiday season, I thought I'd share a few of my reminders to myself for the holiday parties I will be attending (or hosting) this season.   

1.  You don't have to pretend.  No scripture in the Bible rewards human attempts towards perfection, or for that matter, attempts to be like someone else.  In fact, the Bible tells about Jacob who pretended to be his brother Esau to receive a blessing from his father.  He decided to deceive his father because this particular blessing was only handed down to the firstborn son.  Being the second-born son, Jacob decided to deceive his blind father by impersonating Esau.  

The results of pretending to be his brother were life-changing for Jacob.  He was on the run for twenty years and lived in fear of Esau for decades.  But, Jacob didn't understand one very important thing.  God isn't going to bless who you pretend to be.  He will only bless who you really are.  You don't have to pretend, deceive, or impersonate someone else to get a blessing in your life.  God is looking for an honest life to bless, not an imaginary one.

We don't have to pretend everything is perfect and assume God will bless us for pretending.  Sometimes it is easier to hide pain behind imaginary holiday masks, but God sees right through it.  He sees the tears we shed before the big dinners.  He knows what its like to say goodbye to our kids while they spend holidays with both families.  He understands heartbreak, and He loves us through it. We are his daughters, after all, and He is a really good Father.  

This holiday season, you can stop pretending.

2.  Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.  You're called to be an active participant in your life, but not the one who controls everything.  

For the past two years, God has called me to simplify my life.  Over and over, when I seek his guidance on decisions, He reminds me to choose the simpler option.  He wanted me to sell my house and move closer to my job, reducing my commute time.  He wanted me to break free of relationships that were complicated in my life.  These relationships that were harming me and leading me away from Him.  Then, in the midst of my move,  I had the bright idea of going back to school in the evenings.  God warned me this is the opposite of simplifying my life, and I am certainly glad I am not taking evening classes right now.  

One thing is very clear to me.  God wants me to be free.  

Now that I'm understanding the need to simplify big things in my life, I understand He also calls me to simplify my daily life.  Don't take on too much.  Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.  Stop creating to-do lists that are impossible to conquer.  Let others handle tasks for you, instead of needing to control everything.

Not that I would ever need to control everything.

Do you want to hear something amazing?  When I first started down this road of simplification, I thought it was impossible.  Who else was going to do everything that needed to be done if I slowed down?  How would this work?  But, whenever I had days that were overwhelming, God always stepped in.  He would either provide help to me (but I had to accept it), or he would straight-up clear my schedule through miraculous events.  He always provided a way for me to choose a simpler option.

God does not want us lost in the hurry and the busy, living life mentally exhausted.  He wants us to do our tasks well, but He doesn't want us drowning in them.  This means we don't have to take on too much.  Sometimes we need to say no and recognize our limits, and sometimes we need to accept help.  But most importantly, we need to talk to God as we make our way through the day.  He knows the decisions that are best for us.  

3.  Gratitude is the only way to approach the season.  No one receives the peace of God without giving thanks to God.  Did your main course just burn in the oven? (I am asking this hypothetically, of course.) You don't have to be thankful for the burnt food, but you can be thankful in the situation.  Perhaps we didn't get the Christmas bonus we wanted this year.  We can be thankful we have a job that's paying the bills.  Maybe you're like me, and your kids aren't spending Christmas day with you this year.  You can be thankful for the time you do get with them, and grateful they have so many people who want to see them over the holidays. 

Gratitude is not ignoring that life is hard.  It is simply being thankful for the blessings we do have instead of focusing on what we don't have.  It is the decision to fill our emptiness with God's glory and grace.  There's nothing like a fresh perspective to pull us out of a difficult place.

Psalm 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

God is capable of delivering us from every difficult situation, and He will deliver us.  He is God and beside Him, there is no other.  Speak faith into your situation, and remember you are a loved daughter of the Most High King.