The Van

I have decided that moving is traumatizing.  

This weekend, I faced the storage room in the basement.  I don't know why it was so difficult for me.  Well, actually, I do.  All of my memories are in that storage room.  Photos, souvenirs, and my wedding dress all greet me every time I peek inside.  I have emptied every room in my house, except the storage room.  I've been avoiding it, knowing it was going to be a beast for me.

But, Saturday was the day.  It was time to conquer the beast.  I awoke exhausted, already tired from working a long week.  I knew I had a lot of boxes to move, but because I was avoiding the situation, I didn't reserve a truck.  My Ukrainian friends were going to help, but I knew we couldn't fit everything into their Dodge Ram.

Why didn't I plan better?  I'm always the one with the plan.

I began to stress.  I couldn't see how everything was going to work out.  I didn't want to take the time to actually go through the boxes and sort through everything.  I knew it would take forever.  I knew if I didn't, they wouldn't fit into my friend's truck.  I knew the day was going to be a failure.

So, I did what any other normal person would do.  I cried.  Then, I cried some more.  After a while of crying, I decided I wasn't getting anywhere so I prayed.  God, I should have prepared better.  I didn't reserve a moving truck for today.  How is today possibly going to come together?

God reminded me.  I don't need the right tools to work a miracle.

I remembered earlier in the week a co-worker had offered the use of his van for my move.  It wasn't going to be big enough to fit all of my boxes, but I decided to text him anyway.  It wasn't the right tool, but God said He didn't need for me to figure it out, He just wanted me to follow His lead. 

He didn't respond, but I decided that I was going to get ready for my day early as an act of faith.  I was going to give myself extra time to pick up the van.  So, as my tears continued to fall, I fixed my hair and changed out of my pajamas.  As soon as I was dressed, I heard the familiar text notification sound on my phone.

Yes, of course you can use the van today.  We don't need it back until tomorrow.

I didn't feel entirely relieved, because I knew it wouldn't have enough space to fit my boxes, but I put one foot in front of another.  By now, my kids were starting to wake up and they were ready to help.  I told them about the van.  "Let's go get it, Mom.  Any help is a positive and let's just see what happens."

So, we picked up the van and met up with our Ukrainian friends at the house.   All of us faced the storage room together.  I made quick work of sorting through all of the unboxed items.  We made a pile for keep, and another pile for trash.  Everyone began boxing up the items in the keep pile.

I couldn't believe how quickly it went with the help of my kids and our friends.  What felt like an insurmountable task was done within a couple of hours.   But, I still hadn't worked out how we would move all of the boxes, and there were more than I even anticipated.  

My friend backed his truck up to the back door and we filled the back of his Ram.  "If we pile anymore boxes in the back," he said, "I'm afraid we're going to lose them on the highway."  I agreed.  

All of us turned our attention to the van.  We opened the back doors and began filling it, and much to my amazement, box after box seemed to align perfectly inside the van.  When we were finished, every box remaining to be loaded fit into the van except for a small table.    "Well," I said, "we'll come back and get the table another time."  It wasn't a big deal, and I was so happy everything else fit, that I didn't care much about the table anymore.

"Wait," the Ukrainian Mom said, "let me try."  She rearranged a few boxes in the back of the van, and we were able to slide the table perfectly between the boxes.  We all held our breaths as we closed the door, wondering if it would latch.  We sighed with relief when we heard the door close completely.  If we had one more thing, just one more thing, it wouldn't have worked.  

God doesn't need the perfect tools to work a miracle. The solution God provides is often the one that is available.  The van was available and its owner was willing to allow it to be used.  

Its an interesting lesson.  

Take David, for example.  The future king was a boy tending to his father's livestock in the field.  When asked about his sons, his father didn't even remember to bring him forth as part of the lineage.  He was an afterthought, not a king.  He didn't matter, even to his father, except as a laborer.  

But, God doesn't need the perfect solution.  He needs the willing one.  He needs the available one.  This willing and faithful afterthought would save Israel over and over from attackers.  In fact, the Messiah Himself would come from his lineage.  But, on paper, he wasn't the right fit for the job.

Maybe you sometimes feel you're not the right fit for the job.  Whether it is in your job, your parenting, your relationships or even as a Christian.  Certainly, I've had my moments feeling that way as a divorced single Mom.  I don't have what it takes.  Why on earth would God choose me for this particular assignment?  

But, regardless of how you may feel, or how you may even look on paper, you are loved and cherished by God.  He sees what you bring to His kingdom, not what you lack.  All God asks of us is to take what we have and do the best we have with it.  My friend had a van, which was the wrong fit for what I needed.  But, God did the rest.

We may not have the best skillset, or even be the sharpest tool in the shed.  But, remember, God looks at the heart.  When God saw David, He saw his heart.  Our availability and willingness are what God uses, not our perfection.  The world looks at what we offer on the outside, but God looks at what's inside of us.  

Many years ago, when we were going through the adoption process for our kids, one of the question they asked us was whether we would consider adopting a special needs child.  My response was one of fear.  "We have no experience parenting a normal child, let alone special needs.  We would have no idea how to do it."  I knew that on paper, I was the wrong fit for the job.

At the time, I didn't understand that God didn't need for me to walk into this situation with a set of skills.  He needed me to be open and available, and He would fill in the gap for me.  Most people with special needs children have never parented special needs kids before.  I certainly wouldn't have been the first.

Well, God usually doesn't let me deter His plans (thank goodness).  I ended up adopting not one special needs child, but two, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I was right about one thing, thought.  I didn't know what I was doing when I raised them.  But, God knew exactly what needed to be done, and He led me through it.  He didn't need my perfection to perform His miracle.

It appears I've been learning this lesson for a long time, and I still need reminding.  

God wants to use us where we are, with what we have.  He fills in for all of our shortcomings.  He simply asks us for a willing heart.  In conclusion, I hope you don't walk away missing the moral of this story.

I've moved the last load of stuff out of my house. 

Praise The Lord for getting me through!