I spent this weekend moving furniture out of my old house.  If you're thinking to yourself, it seems like she's been moving forever, you would be right.  You may also be thinking I am tired of hearing about this move.  Well, there's no reprieve, my friends.  If I must suffer, so must you.  

Leaving a five bedroom home on acreage and moving into a two bedroom apartment is quite the process.  It seems like no matter how much stuff I get rid of, there's still more stuff.  Every time I turn my back, it multiplies.  I'm two weeks away from being fully transitioned to apartment life.  My house is sold, and most of my belongings are moved out.  

But, can I tell you the funniest story?  My daughter has moved into the same apartment building as I live in, and she lives a floor below me.  In addition, my mother decided to sell her home.  Can you guess where she's moved?

She's literally in the apartment above me.  I can actually hear her when she gets up in the middle of the night to use the restroom (although she doesn't know that, and I don't plan to tell her).  

I spent time grieving the loss of my home, because it was a place for my kids and I to be together.  It was also near my mother.  I had no idea Mom would sell her house.  I am now physically closer to all of them here in my little apartment.  I like to tell people my living situation is a cross between Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond.  I have family coming through the front door more often now than when I lived in the country.   But, I love every minute of it.  

This scenario was unimaginable two years ago.  God's plans are so creative, and I would have never imagined he has a plan to bring me closer to my family instead of further away by selling my home.  All I knew was He kept telling me to simplify my life.  

It still feels so surreal.

But, wait.  There's more.  Guess who bought my mother's house?  The Ukrainian refugee family that I am sponsoring.  Now, they have a beautiful home to raise their kids.  My mother is in a place that is better for her.  I am free from the obligations of overseeing a small farm.  It feels like a gigantic domino of miracles.  

In the gospels of the Bible, we read about Jesus' first miracle.  He was at a wedding, and the bride and groom ran out of wine for the guests.  In the culture of the time, running out of wine was considered embarrassing. Rather than seeing the bride and groom humiliated, Jesus' mother Mary prodded Him into His first miracle.  But, before Jesus performed the miracle, Mary gave instructions to the servants.  

Do what he tells you to do.

The servants did exactly as Jesus told them, and once all tasks were complete, the miracle was indeed performed.  Water turned into wine and the guests were astonished the bride and groom saved the best wine for the end of the party.  Yes, the same wine that was water a few minutes prior.

Consider the servants in this account.  Mary had faith because she knew what Jesus could do.  But, the servants were obedient and had no idea they were going to see a miracle.  They were filling cisterns with water, thinking to themselves, What we need is wine, why are we filling cisterns with water?  We need a Wal-Mart delivery, or perhaps an Insta-cart ASAP.  These instructions don't align with what we're needing.  

Sometimes in life, we have no idea what God is going to do.  We simply have to do what God tells us to do, and then the miracle follows.  Looking back, I can see multiple circumstances where this played out in my own life.

God asked me to host Ukrainian refugees.  It wasn't convenient.  I was newly divorced (I actually signed divorce papers after the family arrived), inviting a family of four into our home.  I was working long hours.  We had a language barrier.  There were so many unanswered questions. Where would their kids go to school?  What if they were mass murderers?  What if they committed a crime here, and I was held responsible?  What if we genuinely don't like each other?  What if, what if, what if?

After waiting at the airport for three hours for them to clear customs, I threw my arms around a very exhausted family of four.  From then on, we've been in separable.  In the worst pain after my divorce, a family came along who was an integral part of my personal healing.  I had no idea my personal healing would be part of God's miracle.  I was just doing what He told me to do.

A few nights ago, I was removing a mirror from a dresser this week before the movers arrived.  Most of the stuff is out of my house, so I didn't have many tools to help me with this particular task.  I sighed with disappointment when I saw the mirror was attached to the dresser with screws that required an Allen wrench.

I looked through the tools in my toolbox, and I found two Allen wrenches, but neither of them fit.  I was tired, frustrated, and I desperately wanted to go to sleep.  It was late at night and this was my final task to prepare for the movers.

But, I could not find the right tools.  

As I looked though my empty cabinets one more time, I prayed a prayer.  God, I know this is a little thing, but can you please help me find an Allen wrench?  I began to look under my sink and as I looked, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to look further.  In the back corner, under my sink, was a Ziploc baggie with some tools in it.  One of them was a flat screwdriver. 

It was exciting to find tools, but still, these weren't the right ones.  Try it, God said, and see how much I love you.

I decided to do what God told me to do, even though it made no sense.  I went to the bedroom and tried using the flat screwdriver.  Much to my amazement, it fit perfectly into the square and it began to turn the screws.  I was so excited and I praised God, thanking Him for his amazing miracles and hidden flat screwdrivers under my sink!  

Then, I got to the fourth screw.

It was stripped and nothing I did would remove the screw.  As I continued to sweat and agonize over the screw, I saw a shadow begin to come across me as a piece of wood holding the mirror in place gave way under the weight.  The mirror was unable to completely fall to the floor since one screw was holding it in place, but a small piece of wood integral to the functionality of the entire dresser had broken.  It could be fixed, but still, it was annoying and I had narrowly missed having the entire mirror come crashing down on my head.

Even after all my near-death experience, I still had to remove the screw to finish the job.

I was down.  I was discouraged.  I hated Allen wrenches.  I cursed myself for my love of cheap furniture that was made with cheap screws.

I googled how to remove a stripped screw.  One popular response said to put a rubber band between the screwdriver and the screw.  Well, this was yet another miracle because I had just cleaned out the junk drawer in the kitchen.  I praised God for His goodness and couldn't believe my luck, knowing I had just thrown a few rubber bands into the trash. 

There was only one small problem.  I had thrown a lot of other trash on top of the rubber bands, including an old razor with sharp edges.  So, I meticulously waded through my trash, hoping I wouldn't slice my finger off, and wouldn't you know it!  I found not one rubber band, but two!  And somehow I bypassed the razor.

I was excited.  I praised God again.

Immediately I went back to work on the pesky screw, knowing God was going to work yet another miracle.  I must have worked twenty minutes until I poked holes in both rubber bands and they fell apart.  No amount of sweat was going to work with this cheap screw and these flimsy rubber bands.

I was down.  I was dejected.  I hated rubber bands that were cheap.  I cursed myself for my love of cheap rubber bands.

I googled how to remove a stripped screw when rubber bands fail.  The next idea was to take your screwdriver and hammer it into the screw to create its own groove.  I decided to try it.  I didn't have a hammer but I found a pair of old, rusty heavy pliers.  I told myself it was basically the same thing.  I took the first swing with the large pliers against the small screwdriver.  I missed and hit my hand.

I believe it was at this point that I almost lost it.  But I heard God whisper to me Don't give up, I am going to see this through.  I wasn't in the greatest of moods, so I won't share my response.  But, I kept hammering with my pliers-turned-hammer and much to my amazement, when I turned the screwdriver, the screw began to turn.

It was working!  I hammered some more, and I turned the screw again. And again.  Eventually, the fourth screw came out and I was able to remove the entire mirror.  I laid face up on the carpet, stared at the ceiling and thanked God for getting me through this very trying ordeal.  I felt that perhaps it could have gone more smoothly without the mirror nearly taking my head off, but I didn't want to complain.

The next morning, before the movers arrived, I was cleaning out a nightstand next to my bed.  There, towards the back of the drawer was an Allen wrench.  Just for kicks, I decided to see if it fit the mirror.

It did.

God, I prayed, why didn't you tell me the Allen wrench was in the nightstand?  It would have been so much easier if you had, I don't know, TOLD ME IT WAS THERE ALL ALONG.

God quickly responded. My child, I don't need the right tools to perform a miracle.  

Then I remembered the fourth screw.  Only a flathead would have worked to remove it. God really is amazing.  I would have never gotten the mirror removed with the right tool.  I apologized for doubting Him and for, you know, being snippy.      

I knew God had a bigger point with me than how to remove a stripped screw.  Immediately, my mind went to all of the different people in scripture God used to perform miracles.  None of them were the perfect fit for the job.  Moses?  He was a terrible public speaker.  David?  Well, he was a hot mess for years before he got back on track.  Peter?  He cut off a soldier's ear and then denied knowing Jesus.  Their roads weren't easy and their decisions weren't perfect.  They were the flathead screwdrivers and the pliers-turned-hammer.  But, in the end, they were victorious because they did what God told them to do, even when it didn't make sense. 

They were the wrong choices on paper, but the right choices for the situation because of their obedience.  

I'm sure the soldiers questioned the method when they marched around the walls of Jericho seven times.  But, when the horns blew and the people shouted, the miracle happened and the walls came tumbling down.  Most people would use a different tool besides a horn to bring down a wall.  But, not our amazing God.

Your miracle might be right around the corner, but it may not look the way you think it should look.  It won't go the way you think it should go.  You may not have the right tools.  I am here to tell you, it doesn't matter.  God will make it happen in a way you don't anticipate.  You don't always know the problems that lie ahead, so that's why our only job is to simply do what He tells us to do.  He will take it from there.  

He loves us so much.

Downsizing from a house to an apartment is challenging.  I am still adjusting to my downsized life and I have thrown away so many things.  My kitchen is smaller.  My closet is smaller.  I am still working my way through this move, trying to get everything to fit in my new place.  I brought several boxes from my old kitchen into my apartment, and I went through cake pans that I'd collected over the years.  Many of them I haven't touched in possibly a decade!  As I went through them, I filled two trash cans full of cake pans and other kitchen supplies that I can't use anymore (nor do I have room for).  Some of them were actually rusty, and not even fit for donation.

It was time to throw them away.

I went through a similar exercise with my clothes.  I have some old clothes that I haven't gotten rid of for whatever reason.  They may have holes in them, or possibly even stained.  But, holding onto things like this is no longer possible in this little apartment.  So, I did what I needed to do.

I threw them away.

God has led my heart to accept it, though, and I actually welcome it now.  A simpler life frees me up for so many more things, and while I'm still in transition, I am enjoying life with fewer things.  Life is easier when you throw away things that no longer serve your purpose.

Perhaps that's what makes God so amazing.  I'm making my way through Judges in the Bible.  As I read some of the stories, I ask myself, God why would you ever want to save us?  We stopped serving your purpose a long time ago.  Humanity is so cruel, and so depraved.  Its been that way since Biblical times.

God could have looked at the earth and the humans He created, and decided to start over.  Time to throw it all away and start anew.  He has the power to do it, yet He doesn't.  Instead He sacrifices his only Son to save it.  I watch the news today full of anger and hate, and simultaneously I'm reading the old testament, full of depravity, and know I wouldn't have made the same call.  I think I'd have tossed the entire creation into the trash bin.  Chalk it up as a failure, and move on.

Its a good thing I'm not God.  He has a different view. 

Joel 2:25-26 I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame.

It turns out God likes words that start with "re".  God's entire plan for humanity and creation is to restore, redeem, and resurrect it.  We will have the opportunity to live the life we were meant to live all along, in the presence of the One who created us.  

Restore:  I go through various stages of obsessive hobbies.  For a while, I was obsessed with restoring furniture.  I would look for old furniture, sometimes antiques, and I would study how to restore it back to its original condition.  Sometimes I would find my treasures being discarded on the side of the street, or given away at garage sales.  I liked stripping off years of dried, crusty paint to reveal a beautiful piece of wood furniture underneath.  Then I would sand away all of the scratches in the wood.  

Restoration simply meant fixing everything that was broken and removing the years of dirt, paint, and damage to reveal what was truly underneath.  I tried to imagine creating the original piece of furniture years ago, and the beauty of it when it was brand new.  I always wanted to bring it back to the original beauty.

God says he will restore us.  All of the damage done by living in a broken world will someday be removed.  God doesn't say He will recreate us or start all over.  He will restore what's already there, buried under years of pain, rejection, heartache, and suffering.  

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

God doesn't give up on his creation.  His story is one of preserving his creation.  Protecting his creation.  Restoring his creation.

After years of traumatic events, including my divorce, I found myself lost.  I was so buried underneath the pain and rejection of it all.  I was angry all of the time (still gets the best of me sometimes), and I had become someone I didn't like anymore.  I was like a wounded animal, lashing out at anyone who was brave enough to try to get close to me.  

I needed God to restore me.  I didn't know what happened, but I had morphed so far away from what I wanted to be, and what He created me to be.  I'm sure I'm still a long ways from my original design, but the realization that I didn't have to ask God to make me into a new person was a big deal to me.  I just needed God to take me back to who I truly was, because that was valuable enough for God to fashion with His own hands.  My personality, my kindness and caring, and even my sense of humor were part of my original design.  I wasn't a bad person.  I had simply lost it buried under years of dirt.  I needed my Savior to restore me.  I still need it.  Every day of my life.

I wonder about heaven.  It must feel so incredible to be completely restored once and for all.  

Redeem:  The definition of redeem is to "gain or regain possession of (something) in exchange for payment".  I can certainly understand the joy of restoration.  It is work, but it is also rewarding to take something back to its original purpose.  But, to pay a large price for something that is worn, damaged, and in desperate need of repair?  I go back to my original question while reading through Judges.  

Why, when you can just make another?

After all of the mocking and the betrayal by humankind, why on earth would God want to redeem us?  There is only one answer for something that seems so senseless.  

Love.  Radical love that remains regardless of our betrayals.  Love that never stops seeking us.  Love that defies logic and is so pure in its design that we struggle to believe it.  Nothing could be so good, at least not based on our experience.  Yet, it is the only possible explanation for such a decision.  

Psalm 111:9 He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name!

Why would God want to not only restore me, but pay a high price for me?  I'm buried in years of paint and dirt, and I am often so broken I cannot even fulfill my original purpose.  If I was a table, I would probably be missing a leg and the other three would be questionable.  Yet, He would give his very Son as a price, who is perfect?

I am not sure, on this side of heaven, that we can fully understand the amount of love it would take to put such a sequence of events in place.  But, I am going to spend my life trying.  Its a worthy pursuit, because when someone as powerful as the Creator of the universe sees value in you, a strange thing happens.  You start to see value in yourself.  Love like this is life-changing.  

Redemption changes everything.  It was part of His plan all along.

Resurrect:      

Not only does God's story include restoration and redemption, but His plans also include living with us for eternity.  After our earthly death, God will breathe new life into us.  We will get to live restored, redeemed, and resurrected. 

He will restore not only us, but all of creation back to its original intention.  I like to let my imagination run wild in this area.  What will life be like with animals?  What was our interaction with them meant to be like?  Will there be spiders?  Will bugs be colorful on a resurrected earth?  Will there be new sounds, new colors, that we've never experienced?

What will life feel like when each day is spent doing work I was designed to do?  What will live be like without anxiety, depression, and sadness?  Can you even imagine it!  

The most exciting part of all of this is that each and every day, we will get to be in the presence of the One who created us.  Every day we will know the love of God firsthand.  We will be completely healed by His love, and our minds will be absolutely peaceful.  

There are times I just long for it.  When the days get long and my stress is out of control, I can't help but look forward to the grand finale of God's plan for my life.  Yes, I'm excited for heaven, but I'm most excited for Him.  To be able to finally be with the One who designed me, with all of my individual traits.  He is full of love, and the day will come that we get to be with Him for all of eternity.

What an incredible plan for humanity.

He spoke slowly and methodically.  English was his second language, so it wasn't easy for him to convey all of his emotions while translating at the same time.  He was from Sierra Leone, and he told stories of war, disease, and unthinkable cruelty upon invasion of rebel forces.  He lost twelve of his family members in one night when their city was overtaken.

Once called the "forgotten continent", Africa has persevered through the most frightening of realities.  I was completely absorbed by the story of his life.  He was a pastor of a Christian church in Sierra Leone.  He talked about the horrors of Ebola.  He told us about how he walks past a mass grave containing twelve of his family members, murdered for no reason.  He sadly recalled the assaults on the women in his city, and how he's working to change the culture from women are seen to women are heard.

During the invasion of his city, he stayed to minister and be with his people while the remainder of his family fled for safety.  Every day was uncertain.  Rebel forces would not be kind to a Christian pastor.  Would he live, or would he die?

I wondered if I would be so obedient.  I don't know. 

While sitting in our church, sharing his story, he mentioned he was anxious to return home.  

"I want to help my people, and I miss them." he said with a slight smile.  

The luxuries of America didn't tempt him.  He knew his calling.  "Wickedness is temporary," he said.  "What is lasting is Jesus."

After the service was over, I wanted to find him.  I wanted to tell him that his story mattered to me, and that I needed to hear about his faith.  I wasn't even sure why, but my soul needed it this week and tears stung my eyes as I listened to him talk.  I needed to be reminded about a God who is faithful, regardless of our circumstances.    

I had to stand in line to talk to him.  As I waited, I thought about how many celebrities we would stand in line to talk to, yet very few people were in line to talk to this hero of the faith.  

Finally, my turn came.  "Thank you for coming here to see us," I said.  "And thank you for sharing your story.  You are a warrior for Christ."

He nodded kindly.  "I am leaving America so encouraged."

I was glad I mustered up the courage to share my gratitude.  It was the least I could do.  As we walked away, my son said, "He reminds me of Paul in the Bible,".  

I learned a lot from this great man from Africa today.  His lessons around how to persevere through stressful situations really hit home for me.  While I haven't experienced nearly the horrors he's lived through, the daily battles against fear and the strongholds of trauma are also real in my life.  

From Fear to Faith:  In the midst of a dark and broken world, prayer is an exercise of faith and a weapon against fear.  I can recall the first few months of being on my own after my ex-husband and I separated.  I'd never known fear like it came for me during that time.  I felt like I couldn't breathe, and it threatened to overtake me.  When we are deep in the grip of fear, life can feel hopeless.

But, God's power in us helps us to overcome fear.  When we fear, we need to go to God with our prayers.  We can be very intentional with our prayers.  There's nothing wrong with asking God for a new house, a car, or a promotion.  But something happens when we are intentional with our relationship with God.  Things feel different when we pray God I want to conquer this fear by knowing you more.  I want to read my Bible not for what I can get out of it, but because I want to know you.  Open my eyes to see people the way you see them.  Teach me who you are.

During those tumultuous years of my life, my world was so upside-down that I didn't trust myself to make good decisions.  My confidence was shot, and I wasn't even sure if I could lead myself and my kids out of this gigantic mess.  I remember being so tired of questioning myself and worrying about whether I was right or wrong.  I asked God, Just teach me your ways, Lord.  I'm tired of mine.  I'm tired of wondering if I'm doing things right or not.  Your ways are always the right ways, so please just teach me Your ways.

In times of great stress, be intentional with prayer and desire God more than ever.  

From Noise to Silence:  The devil brings noise, chaos and confusion.  When I was hurt deeply through my divorce, sometimes the anger was so loud in my ears I could barely hear anything else.  My flesh was screaming for revenge.  My mind meditated on the confusion, trying to make sense of it all.  What should I do?  What is the next move?

Be still and see what God is doing.

In times of great stress, the distractions are overwhelming.  When we're distracted, Christ isn't at the center anymore.  Our center moves from one thing to the next, focusing on an area that needs attention until another problem surfaces.  It creates instability, and we feel like we're adrift at sea, floating from one big wave to another.  Emotions rise and fall, and we're along for the ride just trying to hang on.  

But, we can be still.  

We can make Christ the center, our One and Only, the Lord of our life.  It doesn't mean things won't become difficult, but we don't have to be at the mercy of those waves any longer.  Christ stands above all problems, above all waves in our lives.  He walked on water, after all, on the same waves that would drown you or I.  

From Envy to Contentment:  Envy is simply wanting what someone else has.  Maybe you wish your marriage was like theirs.  They have a nice house.  A better car.  Maybe they're more attractive.  They receive more love than you.  They're never rejected.  They always land on their feet, no matter the situation.

Whatever it is, envy is the pain of wanting what someone else has.  Envy is multiplied in times of great stress, because our joy is already under attack.  But, when you really think about it, envy is truly wanting what you feel you lack.  No one wants a new vacuum if they already have one (I'll be honest, I never want a new vacuum).  No one wants a new toothbrush when they have twelve at home.  We want what we don't have.

Or more precisely, what we don't think we have.

God can fill any void and in face, God is the only true solution to the voids in our life.  When we perceive life knowing God fulfills our needs, we can move from envy to contentment.  We don't have to look at the world, trying to figure out how it will fill our needs.   Our neighbor with the new car doesn't stir jealousy, because we don't need a new car to compete (or whatever the reason).  In fact, we may drive our old car because its affordable.  I mean, who are they to judge our old car?  Hypothetically?

A life of contentment is a life of peace.  Not wanting or needing what others have is a form of spiritual freedom, and frees us from the stress of needing to compete.  

Psalm 37:4  Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Remember, in the most dire of all circumstances, be intentional in seeking Jesus.  He will carry you through.