Going through something traumatic is incredibly challenging, especially when it brings significant life changes. In my case, my divorce was already painful due to the deterioration of my marriage, but the aftermath brought even more overwhelming decisions. How would my finances look now? Where would we live? How will I balance work while caring for my children? In the midst of it all, thinking clearly felt nearly impossible - let alone making life-altering decisions.
Don't get me wrong, these are important decisions. But, looking back on it now, the biggest decisions coming from life-changing events are spiritual. The root of my questions seemed to boil down to one central idea. Do I want to live life with or without God? Do I want to trust Him or live life on my own terms? Something as serious as divorce causes you to re-examine your identity.
Speaking from a place of total transparency, I was tempted to live a life in opposition of my beliefs during the first few months of separation. I wanted to get away from my problems. I would rather go out with friends and have some drinks than face a stack of unpaid bills at home. I'm grateful for my kids during this time, because I knew I couldn't become the exact opposite of the values I'd taught them. I loved them more than I loved myself, and I continued on the right road for them.
Isn't interesting how the devil comes into our lives at the most opportune times? He loves to numb our broken hearts with anything other than God. Even though the devil tried to hide it, the real question sitting in front of me was whether I still stood for Christ when my life fell apart. Did I want a life with or without God?
I didn't make decisions perfectly, trust me. But I chose to continue a life with God. He became my lifeline, my true Savior that saved me in the midst of my pain. I started to ask God, please tell me how to choose you in the midst of my pain. Show me how to get closer to you. Teach me to seek decisions that bring peace rather than chaos.
God is so faithful, and He gave me concrete ways to seek Him. I made a list in case you're in a similar situation. You've chosen to trust God, but you're needing to be close to Him. You need to know He loves you and He's not going to let you fall.
I know that type of desperation, and here's what I learned:
Develop some routines. I needed something every day that cultivated a more loving relationship with God. I would suggest starting with just one routine if you are wired like me and can easily cross into a line of legalism. I'll assign myself ten routines, then I'll feel like a failure if I don't do all of them. Don't do this! This is about God, so don't make the focus of this around your own performance.
Find yourself a routine that allows you to communicate with God. Perhaps it is time with a journal. At breakfast, break out your Bible while you eat your eggs. If you need some exercise, a walk with God is a great routine to begin your day. A long drive into work could offer opportunities to talk to God. Whatever it is, find something you can do every day to allow you to connect with God.
I'm not sure I recommend my routine, but I'll tell you what I did anyway. I took some serious notes during church at this time of my life. I also had a long commute into work that took two and a half hours a day. So, during my commute I would read my notes out loud to myself. There's safety concerns with reading while driving, so I don't recommend you repeat it. But, I was just so desperate to get God into my mind that I would sit and repeat those notes over and over to myself.
As I read through my church notes, there would consistently be a new layer of truth revealed to me. I would learn new things about God's love for me, and I was so starved for love during this time of my life that coming into contact with God's perfect love released a flood of tears every morning. It was healing, and it was something my heart needed.
Make God the center of your life. I was in such a place of desperation that I told myself God had to be at the center of everything, because anything else was too painful. God had to come first and everything else needed to be second. I needed Him to lead the way, because I didn't trust myself to be in the driver's seat of my own life anymore.
Everything we do pours out of what's at the center of our life. I spent a lot of years trying to change myself overnight. My focus was on my behavior. But, what pours out of you comes from what's at the center of your heart. Instead of trying so hard to change myself, I realized I had to make a shift to put God first. He has to be the source of our love and He is what drives change in me.
There's a good section in Deuteronomy that talks about making God's truths (scriptures) the center of our lives:
Deuteronomy 6:7-9 Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.
Start today. Its never too late to start (or restart) utilizing routines to make God the center of your life. Choose one and make it achievable. Plan your day, and if something comes up and you're unable to complete your routine, try again. The devil will try all kinds of things to derail you, but don't give up. Making God the center of your life is life-changing, and you can restart as many times as you need.
We will always choose to make something the center of our lives. When we don't choose to make God the center, we will inevitably choose something much worse. Instead, work to integrate God into all situations and circumstances, make Him the center, and watch your life change.
He truly is our Savior.
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