I woke up in the middle of the night with a start.  The nightmare was recurring.  I was going to lose my house, and the kids and I weren't going to have a place to live.  The fear haunted me over and over, especially during the first days after my separation from my husband.  I wasn't making enough money at the time to cover all of our bills.  I didn't know what I was going to do.

I hit my knees in the middle of the night, for so many nights.  Please, Lord.  Don't let me lose our house.  Please keep my home for me.  I would record statements of faith, telling myself I was going to sell my house when I wanted to, not because I was losing my home.

The Lord heard my prayers.  He kept me from losing my home.  Every time I thought I wasn't going to be able to make the mortgage payment, somehow money would come through the door and I would be OK.  God is so faithful, and his faithfulness is consistent even though we don't deserve it.  Amen?

God took care of me.  He will take care of you, too.

It seems that in our times of greatest need, God opens His blessings upon us.  Sometimes we don't see it, because the pressure within our lives is so intense.  But, in loss, God always gives us three things:  faith, hope and love.  All three are tremendous blessings, and I don't know what I would have done without them during the darkest times of my life.

Faith:  

My son was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was seven years old.  If you follow my story, you know he recurred again when he was fifteen, and he is living a healthy life now.  But, that first diagnosis was absolutely stunning to us.  I was still married at the time, and we were going to Memphis for his first brain surgery.  To say we were stressed was an understatement.  

The day before checking into the hospital, we went to the local mall.  I don't know why, but I think we needed to get out of our room and be around people a bit.  We wanted to get our minds on something besides the dreaded surgical check-in that was looming ahead.

As we were walking around the mall, a stranger approached my husband.  He said, "Sir, I'm sorry to intrude, but I just wanted to know if I could pray for you."  The tears flowed down our faces as this man, a perfect stranger, prayed over us.  He had no way of knowing our son was going in for brain surgery the next morning.  As we talked to him further, we learned he was a pastor, simply following the prodding of God to approach a perfect stranger and pray for them.

In times of tremendous difficulty, God does incredible things to grow our faith.  When I think of the blessings in my life, the greatest of all blessings must be the way He's grown my faith.  God Himself is our blessing, and His greatest gift to us is Him.  He goes out of His way to remind us He isn't going to leave our side during our darkest of times.

Hope:

God gives us hope through the expectation of eternal life with Him.  There's more to life than this world, and Heaven is where we will spend eternity with our savior.  No matter what we're going through, we know that all of this is temporary.  I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Heaven.

I'm reading a book by Randy Alcorn called Heaven, and it is fascinating to study the subject.  Belief in heaven isn't just a nice thought once in a while.  It is life-sustaining.  It is what gives us hope.  We are destined to live in resurrected bodies on a resurrected Earth!  Can you believe it?  Can you even imagine it?  I like to try.  

We'll never be cold (my freezing feet will be no more!).  We'll never be tired.  I bet the food is really good.  Perhaps my frizzy hair will stay under control.  But, do you know the best thing of all?  We will see Jesus face to face.  This wonderous, amazing savior who suffered on the cross for you and I, will be in our very presence.  I can only imagine my never-ending tears.  How do you even begin to say thank you?

Nothing will ever compare to it.  We've never experienced anything like it.  Yet the bible promises it to us.  We've done nothing to earn it, however it is ours through grace and faith.  

Love:

God's love is not the same as earthly love.  That's because His love is unconditional.  He isn't going to stop speaking to you because you did something stupid, or mean, or sinful.  He made you so He can love you.  He made you to be in relationship with Him.  Even if your stressful situation is your own doing, He isn't going anywhere.  We can't truly understand this, because this type of love doesn't exist on earth.

Imagine your worst sin.  Now imagine Jesus coming along with a white paintbrush, covering the dark stain that has been left by that sin.  But, it doesn't come for free.  For each brushstroke removing your dark stain, you hear a clanking noise.  It is the hammer hitting the nail, causing agonizing pain for Him.  But, he continues.  He moves onto your next area of shame, eradicating the darkness.  The noise is heard again, and His pain is evident.  But, He knows He must endure it so he can spend eternity with you.

We don't know this kind of love.  

Any God who would endure something like this does not abandon us in a time of need.  He is ever-present, ever-loving, and always faithful.  

John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

One of the most difficult things about going through something traumatic is navigating the changes that come from it.  In my case, with my divorce, I was already traumatized by the deterioration of my marriage.  But, in the midst of it all, the ramifications of the event itself requires so many decisions.  What do finances look like now?  Where will we live?  How will I work and take care of kids at the same time?  It is difficult to think clearly, let alone make these huge decisions.

Don't get me wrong, these are important decisions.  But, looking back on it now, the biggest decisions coming from life-changing events are spiritual.  All of these spiritual questions that seem to appear boil down to one central idea.  Do we want to live life with or without God?  Something as serious as divorce causes you to re-examine your identity.  What will the focus of your life be on a daily basis now?

Speaking from a place of total transparency, I was tempted to throw a lot of my beliefs out the window during the first few months of our separation.  I wanted to get away from my problems.  I would rather go out with friends and have some drinks than face a stack of unpaid bills at home.  I'm grateful for my kids, because during this time, I knew I couldn't become the exact opposite of the values I'd taught them.  I loved them more than I loved myself at that time, and I continued on the right road for them.

Isn't interesting how the devil comes into our lives at the most opportune times?  He loves trying to numb our broken hearts with anything other than God. Even though the devil tried to hide it, the real question that was sitting in front of me was whether I still stood for Christ when my life fell apart.  Did I want a life with or without God?  

I didn't make all of my decisions perfectly, trust me.  But I eventually chose to continue a life with God.  Once I gave into that decision, He became my lifeline, my true Savior that saved me in the midst of my pain.  I started to ask, God please tell me how to choose you.  Show me how to get closer to you.  Teach me to seek decisions that bring me peace rather than chaos.

God is so faithful, and He gave me concrete ways to seek Him.  I made a list (of course I did!) in case you're in a similar situation.  You've chosen to trust God, but you're needing to be close to Him.  You're needing to know Him better.  You need to know He loves you, and you need to be reassured that He's there and He's not going to let you fall. 

I know that type of desperation, and here's what I learned: 

Develop some routines.  With my personality, I have to be careful with this one.  But, I needed something I did every day that cultivated a more loving relationship with God.  I would suggest starting with just one routine if you are wired like me and can easily cross into a line of legalism.  I'll assign myself ten routines off the bat, then I'll feel like a failure if I don't do all of them.  Don't do this!  This is about God, not you, so don't make the focus of this around your own performance.  

Find yourself a routine that allows you to communicate with God.  Perhaps it is time with a journal.  Maybe at breakfast, you break out your Bible while you eat your eggs.  If you need some exercise, maybe a walk with God is a great routine to begin your day.  A long drive into work could offer opportunities to talk to God.  Whatever it is, find something you can do every day that will allow you to connect with God without distraction.

I'm not sure I recommend my routine, but I'll tell you what I did anyway.  I took some serious notes during church at this time of my life.  I also had a long commute into work that took nearly two hours a day of my time.  So, during my commute I would read my notes out loud to myself.  There's safety concerns with this, so I don't recommend you repeat it.  But, I was just so desperate to get God into my mind that I would sit and repeat those notes over and over to myself while I drove.

By the time I got to work, many days I was in tears.  As I read through my church notes and verses, every day there would be a new layer of truth revealed to me.  I would learn something else about God's love for me, and I was so starved for love during this time of my life, that coming into contact with God's perfect love released a flood of tears every morning.  It was healing, and it was something my heart needed so much.

Make God the center of your life.    I was in such a place of desperation that I simply told myself God has to be at the center of everything, because anything else was too painful.  God had to come first and everything else needed to be second.  I needed Him to lead the way, because I didn't trust myself to be in the driver's seat of my own life anymore.

Everything we do pours out of what's at the center of our life.  If you're beating yourself up because you're not the person you want to be, please stop feeling terrible.  I spent a lot of years trying to change myself overnight.  My focus was on my behavior.  But, what pours out of you comes from what's at the center of your heart.  Instead of trying so hard to change myself, I realized I had to make a shift to put God first.  He has to be the source of our love and that's what changes a person.  We can't give others what we don't have, and we need God's love to be the focus of our life.

There's a good section in Deuteronomy that talks about making God's truths the center of our lives:

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Start today.  Its never too late to start (or restart) utilizing routines to make God the center of your life.  Choose one.  Plan your day, and if something comes up and you're unable to complete your routine, try again.  The devil will try all kinds of things to derail you, but don't give up.  Making God the center of your life is life-changing, and you can restart as many times as you need.

We will always choose to make something the center of our lives.  When we don't choose to make God the center, we will inevitably choose something much worse.  We may choose anger, alcohol, bitterness, or many other destructive tendencies. 

Instead, work to integrate God into all situations and circumstances, make Him the center, and watch your life change.  He truly is our Savior.

I spent the Fourth of July in bed, sick.  I really hate being sick, but I especially hate being sick in the summer.  It feels so wrong when the weather is 100 degrees outside, and I am under the covers popping throat lozenges.  

I spent several days, suffering in bed, watching true crime murder mysteries.  I managed to make myself so afraid at night that I asked my daughter to let me borrow her dog for a few days to protect me from murderers.  My daughter sighed, "Oh Mom," before agreeing to loan out her fierce, fluffy dog.  But, let's be honest, if I am depending on him to protect me, I don't have much of a fighting chance.

My illness wasn't that bad.  I managed to catch an annoying flu bug, so I don't want to over-dramatize the situation, but isn't it interesting how quickly our priorities change when we're dealing with health issues?  Everything we could do with ease now becomes difficult.  Feeling good isn't a given, but instead becomes a gift.  Sleeping for a reasonable block of time feels like luxury. All of a sudden, I have a lot more time to talk to God.

Please God, let me feel better.  Heal this body, Lord, and I'm sorry for filling it with junk food and not exercising it properly.  Have pity on your daughter, God!.  I pretty much repeat those prayers over and over, just in case God missed it the first time.    Then, I walk around the house, lock the doors, and watch another episode of true crime until I fall asleep again.  

Don't we hate it when life becomes interrupted?  We have bills to pay, work to do, and appointments to attend.  Our lives are complicated, fast-paced, and relentless.  But, when God slows my life down in situations such as this, I have to wonder.  Is all of the busyness of life focused on what truly matters?  Are we so pre-occupied with our schedules that we can't be interrupted by the God who loves us perfectly?

I had plans for a Fourth of July party this week.  I had work to do.  I had an appointment with my bank.  I needed to help the Ukrainian families.  Days spent in bed battling a fever and a runny nose weren't in the plan.  

While I certainly don't believe God wants to see me suffering with a flu, I do believe He will use all things to draw me closer to Him if I will simply allow it.  He especially uses interruptions to change our focus back onto things that matter.  Jesus' life was full of interruptions as He walked the earth.  

Some interruptions are fairly minor, like my flu.  Some are major, like divorce, serious health issues, or a death of someone close to us.  I read a story recently about someone who was an innocent bystander during a violent shooting that happened twenty years ago.  She was shot, seriously wounded, and still lives with effects from the shooting.  Talk about a big-time life interruption.  

I remember when our son was diagnosed with cancer at age 7.  It was a moment where time stood still.  In an instant, I had no idea what the future looked like.  Would we have our son six months from now, or would be be planning a funeral?  Would we be able to work while he battled this?  Would my daughter stay in school?  You can't schedule tragedy, you can only react to it and let the unknown unfold as you walk through it.

How do we handle interruptions to our life in a way that honors God?  

1.  Look for Jesus in the Interruption.  The gospels recall a situation where the disciples are in the middle of a storm in a boat.  They are terrified while dealing with this storm at night.  Then, the craziest thing happens.  They see someone walking on the water towards them and they think it is a ghost.

Matt Ch. 14: 25 Shortly before dawn Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26 When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. “It’s a ghost,” they said, and cried out in fear.  27 But Jesus immediately said to them: “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.”

Can you imagine?  Not only are they dealing with a storm, now they've got a ghost to deal with.  Things are not going according to plan, and they're actually so terrified they cry out in fear.  But, it wasn't a ghost at all.  The disciples did not recognize Jesus in their storm.  So, Jesus calmed them and told them not to be afraid.  Later, He also calmed the storm.  Their interruption with this unexpected storm was setting the stage for a miracle.

I wonder how often we don't recognize Jesus during our storms, because He doesn't look the way we expect Him to.  But, He is far greater than we anticipated, working miracles and calming our storms.  

2.  Pay Attention To What's Broken.  My car is notorious for breaking down.  I am emotionally invested into this car, and I've fixed it many times.  I refuse to pay for a new at the current prices, so I keep fixing up my old car.  

Last year, the air conditioning went out in my car during the middle of July.  In my part of the country, temperatures get well over 100 degrees in July.  I was sweating like crazy, driving back and forth into work, trying to make do until I had time to fix my air conditioner.  This happened during a busy week for me, and I was annoyed I had to take time away from work to get my car fixed once again.

After I took my car into the shop, I asked them to go ahead and do a full assessment on the vehicle.  I had noticed it was running a little rough lately.  In the assessment, they found a major issue with the car that was likely to leave me stranded if I didn't have it fixed.  If the air conditioner hadn't gone out and required a fix, I would have likely continued driving my car in the current state and ruined my engine.  

So often, interruptions are present in our lives to deal with things that are broken.  It could be a problem with our health, a problem with a person that needs our attention, or even things in our lives that are broken.  While the interruption might be an annoyance, focusing on what's broken now could save us further heartache down the road.

Many times the things we think are the problem are actually pointing to a bigger issue.  This week, with my flu, I have a need to get better from my illness and heal my broken body.  But, I had also over-scheduled myself and I needed to slow down and spend some time with Jesus.  There was more broken than I originally realized.  The extra time with God was very helpful for me to have some important realizations this week. 

3.  Use Interruptions to Refocus your life.  All of us worship something, but perhaps it isn't God.  It could be money, work, image, fame, or even ourselves.  Interruptions can bring these false idols to light and allow us to refocus on what's important.  Why was I so upset about taking a few hours off of work to get my air conditioner fixed?  Yes, it was annoying, but my reaction was more than annoyance.  My car is always breaking down, and I'm having to deal with it yet again.  Co-workers are going to wonder why I don't just get a new car and I don't want to have to explain that I really can't afford to pay for a brand new car.  Perhaps I need to get a handle on worrying about what others think.

With my son's diagnosis, things were refocused in an instant.  Work didn't matter.  Money didn't matter.  Schedules didn't matter.  We were panicked.  After the shock wore off, there was a choice to trust God or to curse him for what had happened.  I certainly didn't handle it perfectly but in the end, the entire experience allowed us to know our God better.  Now, at nineteen years of age, my son's faith is pretty incredible.  It wouldn't be nearly as strong without the cancer.

Remember, the enemy wants to use these interruptions to draw us away from God.  But, God is stronger and smarter than our enemy.  We can allow interruptions to drive us towards Jesus, not away from Him.