I sat at the table with three other couples.
It was a work event, an evening at a steak restaurant to thank us for long hours on a difficult project. It was a lovely evening, with good food and good company. I am usually fine attending events solo, but for some reason, this one bothered me.
Perhaps it was because I met with another set of friends the previous evening. They introduced me to a few of their friends. All were couples. Several seemed to have no interest in talking to a single mom with two kids. I might have read the room wrong, but again, it bothered me.
I used to fit into these groups, because I fit the mold. I was married with two kids. From the outside, we were a perfect little family of four. But now, I don't fit in anymore. I'm still me, but the perception of me has changed.
But, let's face it. Does anyone ever really "fit in" to the crowd? Isn't there something different about all of us? Aren't we all dealing with something? It may not be divorce, but everyone has their own stuff in life to deal with.
Trying to fit in with the same old crowd when life has changed can be really difficult. Its like trying to find your place all over again. The truth is, our place is with God and nowhere else. We can search for acceptance and comfort within our circles here, but true acceptance comes from God. Aren't we glad that we never have to find our place with Jesus? Our place is secure no matter our circumstances, no matter what's happened. He is loyal, faithful, and true to us through eternity.
If you're like me, and you are sometimes finding your place after a major life change, here's a few thins to keep in mind:
Your value didn't change with your divorce. You have probably changed. Your friends might have changed. Your financial situation might have changed. Even your home address might have changed. But your value in the eyes of your savior did not change. Not even a little bit. Your value was placed by the One who created you, not by the one you married. Remember, you were made in God's image, according to His likeness.
Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? And not one of them is forgotten before God. Why, even the hairs of your head are all numbered. Fear not; you are of more value than many sparrows. (Luke 12:6-7)
Our Savior didn't go to the cross for someone whose value changes with their circumstances. He already knew your circumstances and still believed you were worth dying for. No higher value can be ascribed.
You don't have to fit in with the old crowd anymore. You're stronger, wiser, and more experienced than you used to be. Some of your friendships will last the test of time, and some will fade away. Remember, the constant that must remain in your life is God. Everything else through divorce gets thrown into a state of flux. If friends aren't being kind, or they're not interested in a friendship anymore, perhaps you're being led in another direction. True friends remain through turbulent times, but others may need to go on their way. With God guiding you, you will be able to discern the difference.
A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity. (Prov 17:17)
I can remember meeting up with an old friend after we hadn't seen each other in about five years. We enjoyed our time together in our prior lives, but since I'd seen her, I'd gotten married and had two children. As we reunited over lunch, I learned she was in a similar place as she was five years ago. She was still in her same job and her life was mostly the same, and she was actually somewhat angry and bitter about it.
There isn't anything wrong with that, but about halfway through our lunch, we ran out of things to talk about. She really wasn't interested in hearing about my kids, and I didn't have a lot in common with her professionally anymore, because I'd changed jobs. I had also begun a much deeper relationship with Christ, and she wasn't on that road. Our friendship had run its course, and it slowly faded away with a lack of communication.
I'm still grateful for her friendship, but it wasn't one that was going to be with me for life. I had changed, and so had she. Our friendship was based on our circumstances at the time, not necessarily a true connection that bonds friends for life.
When no one else sees you hurting, God does. Perhaps you were at a similar event as me, and you smiled through the evening while you were hurting inside. God saw that. Maybe you went through your first Christmas by yourself. God was watching. I can remember the first time I had the courage to go to church as a single Mom, not knowing what to expect. God was there.
You are never going through this alone. Dealing with a new normal is not easy, and the road through change is often filled with pain. Our God is ever-present, and He sees the courage it takes to face a new life. He doesn't take it lightly, and He is proud of his courageous daughters who stay true to Him while facing some of life's biggest challenges.
These are not small things. These things hurt, and anytime we are hurting, we have our Savior's attention. He doesn't leave his daughters alone through these battles. The Bible even tells us, God is with us, and we will not fall.
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells. God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. (Psalm 46:1-5)
At the end of it all, the only thing that matters is Jesus.
We always fit in with Him.
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