I think the time is coming to sell our house. You know, things are different now. We bought this house together, as a married couple. Now, the upkeep is difficult. Mowing the yard is a chore when you have several acres. House repairs were always done by my ex-husband, and the three of us are definitely not talented in this area. I'm finding that it is becoming too much and I'm needing to simplify my life.
The thought of downsizing and moving someplace new is hard. This house is the last place we were a family. I've been asking God for his guidance through this, making sure I'm not stepping ahead of something else He has planned. But He's slowly been putting all of the pieces together to allow this move to happen.
We will likely move into the city so I can be much closer to work. We live more of a country life now, and living in a big city will be a huge shift for the three of us. The kids are ready to move, though. They talk about it every day. I get excited, too, but after the excitement the wave of grief seems to take over.
Change can certainly be an unwelcome visitor sometimes. I think one of the hardest things about divorce is not just the heartbreak and devastation to the family, but the intense amount of change that follows it. Change isn't easy in the best of circumstances, let alone when life falls apart. I needed to downsize a long time ago, but there was only so much change my heart could take.
I have to remind myself that I'm not alone in this. Jesus is always with me, and He's always clearing obstacles for me, going ahead of me. When I don't feel brave, He is brave for me. When I don't have strength, He does. Under His protection, I can move ahead even though I feel so worn and exhausted inside.
Jesus continues to heal me, day after day, week after week. He helps me through and He reminds me that He's always been my savior, all along, even when I didn't recognize Him as such. He's faithful through the worst of times, and He can always be counted upon.
God uses even the most difficult changes to draw us closer to Him. He works all things for our good, even the most painful things. Selling my house is a small change in the grand scheme of things, but it is a big change to me.
I was worried about my son, especially, since he's the youngest one still at home.
"Mom," he said, "I am excited to move."
"But won't you miss this place?" I asked him. "We have this beautiful yard, and we have such a nice view."
"I am not going to miss the mowing,"
"Really? You won't be upset if we move to a place with a small yard, or maybe even no yard?"
"Nope." he said. "Let's have no yard, that's my vote. And even when I get married someday, I am going to tell my wife that we aren't going to have a yard."
I started laughing. I guess we're all worn out keeping this place up, and I am so grateful that I was able to make this move when the kids are ready, and we didn't have to move sooner.
So, now I am house shopping and even condo shopping. I guess I will try out the city life about six months from now.
Should be interesting, and I have no doubt God has new adventures ahead for me.
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