The Pivot

I had a day today where I simply had no strength.  I had gotten up early this morning, gone for a run, and perhaps I felt fatigued from the early morning.  All throughout the day, fear kept popping up for me.  Left and right, I found something else to worry about.  I couldn't focus on work, and all I wanted to do was climb into my bed and worry.

That's one of my favorite pastimes, typical of a person who struggles with anxiety.  We like to take to our beds and worry. 

Finally, around 2 p.m., I gave up and grabbed my journal.  I took a thirty minute break from work and began working through my five steps.  I badly needed to pivot my thinking away from my fears and onto something more heavenly.  

Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. (Phil 4:8-9)

I needed to think about things excellent or praiseworthy.  Dwelling on my problem was getting me nowhere, except to a town called Angry.  Angry is a trashy town, full of burnt buildings and loud people.  Angry smells bad, has darkened skies, and no one ever seems to progress anywhere.  I used to live in Angry, and even though I've moved away, sometimes I still like to make prolonged visits.

But, not today.  Today, I needed to pivot what I was feeding my mind.  I was focused on things that were triggering me today, reminding me of past failures and hurts.  Instead, I needed to move forward with work, I needed to stop being so afraid.  

On days like today, sometimes all God asks us to do is show up.  Days when we're saddened by events in our lives.  Days when we're in pain.  Days when we're afraid.  God says, let's do this day afraid together.  Days like today, God takes everything that is too much out of our hands and He handles it.  He is strong in our weakness.  He loves us so much that he uses His strength while we take the time to rebuild ours.  

Days like today require us to rely on His strength, not mine.  We just have to check the attendance box, and that may be all we can give.  His love for all of us is as deep and wide and as countless as the drops of the ocean.  His will for all of us is peace in our lives.  So, on days like today, it is okay to acknowledge the day is too hard and we need to rely on Him and fall into His arms.  

We can stop worrying.  We can stop focusing our minds on the things that are triggering fear and anger.  God's going to handle it, so we can be done with the sleepless nights and the restless thoughts.  He knows we've done all we can do.  We can stop trying to reason through the same problems, over and over.  Instead, we can rest in His presence.

We are, after all, only human.  Sometimes everything becomes too much for us.  But, the amazing thing is so often our fears are but a mirage and they disappear when we get close to them.  God allows us to use His strength to approach our fears, and then He shows us how powerless our fears truly are.  

Rely on His bravery today.  He went to the cross, so this problem is really nothing for Him.  You will be okay and God will protect you today.  He loves you.