A few day ago, I was brushing my teeth when a memory popped into my head from my childhood. I remembered I once lied to my Mom about a toy I'd stolen from my brother. I don't recall the exact circumstances but he got into trouble for something I did with this stolen toy and he was punished for it. Unjustly. He even got a few swats. Sometimes he still reminds me, and I tell him to get over it. But, when I was brushing my teeth, I started to feel really terrible about my lie from thirty-five years ago.
Then, I thought about a situation at work. I wrote a long e-mail I regretted explaining a situation to my boss. That was stupid, I thought. I should have picked up the phone instead of sending an e-mail.
I felt worse.
As I ate breakfast I thought about how I should have helped my son Alex study more for his finals and I should have been nicer to my daughter the night before. I'd been grouchy to her. I apologized, but I still felt bad.
By the time I started my day, I felt like I couldn't handle one more thing thrown my way and my day hadn't even begun yet. Then the kicker set in as the devil whispered in my ear. You know you're nothing but a divorced failure.
Do you ever have days where your mind replays everything you've done wrong, over and over? Its like a bad rerun of a TV episode you don't want to watch. Perhaps you're triggered by something that brings up a memory. Or perhaps someone in your world likes to remind you of your shortcomings. Or maybe you're just innocently brushing your teeth. Whatever the reason, there's a word for this phenomenon. Its called condemnation. Truth be told, its also called self hatred. And, its evil.
Condemnation is a constant reminder of our wrongs. Yes, the Holy Spirit convicts us and leads us to make better decisions in our lives. But, there's a difference between conviction and condemnation. Condemnation is not from the Holy Spirit. How can you know the difference between conviction and condemnation? Conviction leads us in the moment, when we're doing wrong. Condemnation dredges up the past and evicts guilt over things we've repented of long ago. It replays them over, and over, until all joy is lost and self hatred kicks in.
If we want to know how God feels about condemnation, the Bible is pretty clear:
Romans 8:1. There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.
It doesn't say "There's a little condemnation for those who screw up in the name of Christ Jesus." Nope. It says there is to be none. Zilch. Zippo. Nada. Read the verse again, but its pretty plain. We're not to live under condemnation.
I wonder how long you've punished yourself, like me, for the mistakes you've made. I wonder how long it will be before you realize you can't continue to go through life being defined by the moments you fell short. I wonder when you will make the decision to quit being your own worst enemy. Your heavenly Father didn't intend for you to live this way. In fact, the level of condemnation you live under grieves your heavenly Father.
How can anyone see their worth while continuing to replay their mistakes? God wants us to be free of this. It can be so extreme we often feel like a disappointment for no good reason - even over innocent mistakes where we had good intentions. Growth cannot occur like this. Healing cannot prosper while being shadowed by condemnation. This isn't the life God intended.
Did you know once repented, sin has no power to condemn unless we allow it? You are a protected being, covered by the blood of Jesus Christ himself. Nothing has the right to condemn you. Not now. Not ever. Nothing has the right to shame you. Nothing can tell you that you are unworthy.
Jesus died so you may be worthy. He paid the price. There's no arguing with it any further. What an abundant gift He's given. What a price He paid.
God loves you tremendously, and He's promised to take care of you. I think its time for condemnation to lose its grip, once and for all, and for growth and healing to take over.
Now, that's a life God intended.
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