Alex is in full swing of his teenage years, and his day didn't coincide with my plans. He was moody and struggling. He knew he was battling his own demons today, and much to his credit, he asked for some help. Talking him through his crisis absolutely exhausted me. I could feel everything getting ready to implode on me, just a heartbeat away.
I don't have it in the tank to give today, God. Please replenish me and give me compassion for him.
I decided to take the kids on a country drive. I thought perhaps a change of scenery would help Alex, since I didn't seem to have much else to offer. As we drove around the lake and several plots of farmland that surround our area, all of began to relax and feel peaceful on the drive.
I felt nudged by the Lord to pull over to the side of the road. I stopped at a cornfield that was next to an empty field, with a path between the two. The empty field was dry and cracked, and not much was growing except for weeds. The cornfield next to it was lush and green, with food growing as far as we could see.
I'd recently watched a video on YouTube where Beth Moore described taking a trip to Africa to help feed the hungry. She asked what programs were in place for further help to the starving population, and the leader of her group told her there was a farming program in place. But, they faced one problem. The people were so starved they would eat the seed itself rather than plant it for a long term harvest. Their immediate need was so desperate, they would consume the seed and find themselves right back in their same desperate need.
Standing between an empty, lifeless field and a plentiful field, I told the kids the story. I showed them when they choose to sow the seed of the Word of God into their lives, they look like the plentiful cornfield inside. But, when they choose to "eat the seed", meaning they heard the Word but don't allow it to change their choices or their lives, then they'll look more like the desolate field. They won't see the result of planting the seed the same day they plant it. In fact, deciding to really plant the seed is a difficult choice. But months later, look what can grow. How incredibly exciting to think of the harvest!
We rode home in relative silence. I knew Alex was deep in thought, but something I said must have landed. He did much better for the remainder of the day.
Sometimes I have to be reminded to let Jesus fill in the gaps. Results are God's responsibility, but faithfulness is ours. I may never know whether today truly had an impact or not, but all God asks of me is to simply lead my kids to Him. He will take it from there.
God also reminded me today that He makes what I have last. When it feels like I am not enough, God says that I have enough to get through this. He reminds me I will make it through. He will give me enough for whatever comes. God's grace is sufficient for me and His strength is made perfect in my weakness.
Even when I'm not enough, God is enough.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties.
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