I sat on the little barstool at my kitchen counter, eating my oatmeal and reading through the Bible app on my phone. I'm making my way into Deuteronomy now, which means I'm reading through many of the moments when Moses reminded the Israelites of where they had been and all God had brought them through.
When we were at Mount Sinai, the Lord our God said to us, ‘You have stayed at this mountain long enough. It is time to break camp and move on.’ --Deuteronomy 1:6–7 NLT
I read those words again. Maybe it was because I'm heading toward my fiftieth year on this earth, but I sat there thinking about some of the things I've struggled with for what feels like most of my life. I find forgiveness difficult. I've detailed that struggle plenty of times here. I have a temper. I can hold on to hurt far longer than I should. And there is an entire list of other things I really don't feel the need to rehash this morning.
But as I sat there staring at those words, I had one overwhelming thought. Aren't you tired of it?
Isn't there a point when we finally become exhausted from fighting the same battles? Isn't there a moment when we look around at the familiar landscape of our struggles and realize we've been circling the same mountain for far too long? Maybe sometimes God looks at us with all the love of a Father and simply says, You've been here long enough. It's time to break camp and move on.
I sat on my barstool thinking about what breaking camp would actually mean for me. Because breaking camp isn't simply standing up and walking away. If you've been somewhere for a while, you've accumulated some things. You have to pack before you can leave. And packing means you have to go through your stuff.
I know a little something about that after moving this year. There comes a point when you're standing in the middle of a room surrounded by boxes and you have to decide what is actually coming with you. What do I still need? What still serves a purpose? And what have I been dragging around simply because I've had it for so long that I've forgotten I have the option to let it go?
I've walked through some really deep mourning since my divorce. God has done an incredible amount of healing in me, and I don't want to minimize that. I am not standing in the same place I was years ago. But if I'm honest, there is still some debris lying around the campsite. There is some unforgiveness, some bitterness, some anger, and some frustration. There are things that may have made sense in the middle of the pain. Things I picked up because I was hurt and confused and trying to make sense of a life I never expected to be living.
But I'm beginning to wonder if I've reached the point where God is asking me a different question: Are you really planning to pack all of that and take it with you?
Because breaking camp means going through some things. Anyone who has ever moved knows what it feels like to open a closet or pull a box from the back of a cabinet and wonder why on earth you've been carrying something around for the last ten years. Maybe it served a purpose once. Maybe you loved it once. Maybe there was even a season when you genuinely needed it. But you don't anymore.
And if you're moving forward, especially if you're moving into a place with less room, you quickly realize that everything cannot come with you. Some things have to be left behind. Some things have to be thrown away. Some things no longer serve the person God is calling you to become.
Maybe its time to go through some boxes.
Going Through the Boxes
Going through the boxes means we have to identify the things we don't want anymore. We've all heard about decluttering our homes, but have you ever thought about decluttering your mind? What are the things you don't want to move with you when you finally break camp and leave the mountain where you've been sitting for far too long?
I can tell you that I've got all kinds of things I don't want anymore. In fact, I've probably got a truckload of stuff that can go straight to the dump. I've got some bitterness I don't need. I've got anger, unforgiveness, and old wounds I've been carrying around for years. Who wants to keep hauling all of that from place to place? It's a bunch of old junk, and most of it isn't even relevant anymore.
When I was moving out of my old house earlier this year, I spent a lot of time going through things I had accumulated over the years. At some point, I came across an entire box of VCR tapes. There had been a time when those tapes were a major source of entertainment for my kids. They held movies we had watched over and over again, and at one point they certainly served a purpose in our home.
The problem was that I hadn't owned a VCR player in years.
Why on earth was I still carrying around an entire box of tapes when I didn't even own a machine capable of playing them? Yet there they were, taking up space. I had apparently moved them before, probably more than once, never stopping long enough to ask myself why I was still carrying them.
So I threw them away.
Of course, those old VCR tapes weren't actually hurting me. They were simply taking up space. Bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness are a whole different story. They take up space too, but they are also toxic. It's like packing a box of poison, loading it onto the moving truck, carrying it into the next house, and then wondering why we don't feel very good.
Not only are those things useless, they hurt us. We cannot be healthy while continually carrying around the very things that are poisoning us. Yet isn't it interesting to stop and think about how much we carry from place to place? We carry it into new seasons. We carry it into new relationships. We carry it into our homes, our churches, and our workplaces. Everywhere we go, we bring the same boxes with us and then wonder why the new place eventually starts to feel so much like the old one.
Unfortunately, anger and bitterness aren't quite as easy to throw away as a box of VCR tapes. Once I decided I didn't want the tapes anymore, getting rid of them was simple. I picked up the box and threw it away. Emotional wounds don't leave quite so easily. But I think the first step is still the same.
You have to decide you don't want them anymore.
You have to make the decision that you are ready to get rid of them.
For a long time, there was probably a small part of me that kept those VCR tapes because I thought maybe someday I would buy another player. Maybe the kids would want to watch those movies again. Maybe I would need them. Of course, I was never going to buy another VCR player, but apparently I still wasn't quite ready to completely let go.
I wonder if we do the same thing with bitterness and anger.
Perhaps somewhere deep inside, we believe we might need them later. Maybe we think our anger protects us. Maybe bitterness helps us remember what someone did so we never allow ourselves to be hurt that way again. Maybe unforgiveness feels like a wall we've built around ourselves, and we are afraid that if we tear it down, we will somehow become vulnerable to the same pain all over again.
But that's not actually what happens.
Instead, we end up carrying our pain with us. We pack it carefully into boxes, load it onto the truck, and move it from one season of our lives into the next. God says, Break camp and leave this mountain, and we respond by asking Him to wait while we finish packing all the pain we collected while we were there.
But what if we don't need it anymore?
Sometimes we hold on to pain for so long that it begins to feel like part of our identity. The wound becomes part of our story, and eventually we have a hard time separating what happened to us from who we actually are. We become the person who was betrayed. The person who was abandoned. The person who was hurt. The person who wasn't chosen. The person who didn't get the life they thought they were going to have.
But that's not who we are.
Christ calls us to something different.
It reminds me of the question Jesus asked the man who had been lying beside the pool of Bethesda for thirty-eight years. The man had been in that condition for so long that Jesus asked him a surprisingly simple question: “Do you want to get well?”
Of course he wanted to get well. Who wouldn't? But maybe the question is deeper than it first appears.
Getting well means something has to change. Getting well means leaving behind the place where you've been lying. It means stepping into a life that may feel unfamiliar. It means no longer defining yourself by the wound you've carried for so long.
Maybe deciding to leave behind bitterness, anger, and unforgiveness begins with answering that same question.
Do you want to get well?
I do.
I don't need this stuff anymore. It doesn't serve me. It doesn't protect me. And the crazy thing is, it never did. I've been at this mountain long enough. It's time to break camp and move on.
What Lies Ahead
As I thought about all the things I would gladly take to the dump instead of packing onto another moving truck, I continued reading through Deuteronomy. The very next verse caught my attention.
"See, I have given you this land. Go in and take possession of the land..." (Deuteronomy 1:8)
What do You mean You've given us a land? I'm already here. I'm comfortable at my campsite. I've got all my pain and past trauma surrounding me. I've unpacked everything. I've settled in. This is familiar.
But that's not God's purpose. He has a new land waiting for His people. The problem is, they can't get there until they break camp and leave the mountain where they've been sitting for far too long.
I think sometimes we assume God asks us to leave things behind simply because He wants us to forgive, be obedient, or move on. Those things certainly matter, but I don't think they're the whole story. God wasn't asking the Israelites to leave because He enjoyed making them uncomfortable. He was asking them to leave because He was taking them somewhere.
He had an inheritance waiting for them.
And He didn't simply tell them to walk into that land. He told them to take possession of it. Taking possession means more than simply passing through. It means putting down roots. It means living there. It means enjoying what God has given you. It means embracing the life He intended for you all along.
But none of that could happen if they refused to leave the mountain.
The same is true for us.
God isn't asking us to get rid of something without replacing it with something better. Getting rid of all these boxes isn't just about throwing away junk. It's about creating room for the life God wants to give us.
Our lives have limited space. Every moving box we insist on carrying has to live somewhere. Every box of bitterness, anger, resentment, disappointment, or unforgiveness takes up room in our hearts. The more unnecessary things we keep carrying, the less room there is for the things that actually belong there.
If we're already filled with bitterness, where does peace fit? If we're filled with anger, where does joy go? If we're consumed with replaying yesterday's hurts and disappointments, how do we fully embrace what God wants to do today?
God didn't simply want the Israelites to leave the mountain. He wanted them to walk into the inheritance that had been waiting for them all along, an inheritance they could never experience as long as they remained camped where they were.
I don't know about you, but I'm not interested in carrying boxes that are decades old if they're keeping me from stepping into what God has for me today.
Why on earth would I keep hauling around a box of old VCR tapes when God has something infinitely better waiting for me? Those tapes don't work anymore. They serve no purpose. They simply take up space.
So maybe the better question isn't just, What do I need to leave behind? Maybe it's, What do I want to carry instead?
I want boxes labeled peace, joy, forgiveness, wisdom, humility, trust, and gratitude. The boxes labeled bitterness, fear, anger, resentment, and old wounds? Those are going straight to the dump.
I believe God is still whispering the same words He spoke to Israel thousands of years ago.
You've been at this mountain long enough.
It's time to break camp. It's time to move on. It's time to leave something behind so you can move toward something better.
The Israelites weren't wandering aimlessly after they broke camp. God already knew exactly where He was leading them. He had prepared the destination long before He told them it was time to leave.
The same is true for us.
God already knows where He's leading us.
Our job is simply to stop unpacking yesterday's boxes... and start following Him.





















