Its a tough world out there right now, isn't it?  Turn on the news and you'll find an array of fear-inducing scenes.  Today alone, the headlines are reporting wildfires, terrorism, and wars.  Tomorrow will be the same reports, perhaps with different tragedies. Truth be told, I don't watch much of the news anymore.  After a while, it starts to create sadness, fear and anxiety in me.  

But, even everyday life can carry the weight of negativity.  Today, I woke up knowing I had several stressful meetings at work.  I needed to go into the office, so I had to navigate icy roads to get there.  I didn't sleep well last night, so I was tired.  I woke up angry and had to remind myself to forgive people who wronged me.  (This lesson in forgiveness seems to never end.)  These challenges aren't particularly unusual, but even usual everyday life can be hard.  

Have you considered how much we overcome on a daily basis?  There's appointments, deadlines, and unexpected curveballs that come daily.  It can feel like the deck is stacked against us before we ever get out of bed!  But, even if it feels that way, God reminds us the deck is not stacked against us.  It is actually is stacked against our enemies.    

Isaiah 54:17 No weapon formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue which rises against you in judgment you shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord, and their righteousness is from Me,” Says the Lord.

God is always protecting us, because He loves us so much.  If you're struggling with the overall negativity of the news, everyday life, or simply dealing with fear that's running rampant, I've got a few thoughts to keep in mind.  

1.  Be a light in the world but don't take on the problems of the world.  Perhaps some of you are in the stage of life I'm currently experiencing, with kids who are entering into adulthood.  My daughter is twenty-two years old now.  She is making her own decisions, and it can be hard to adjust from being a mother to teenagers to letting my kids live independent lives.  My daughter doesn't always make decisions I agree with.  It doesn't mean she's intentionally doing anything wrong, but I can see problems coming down the road from decisions she might make out of inexperience.

However, all of us had to learn to be adults by experience.  I don't know why think I need to give her a complete rundown of how to do everything (which she loves, by the way), but I like to think I am simply sharing my wisdom.  The problem comes when I start to take on her problems as my own, instead of letting her learn how to navigate life. 

We're working through this together, and thank God, we are growing closer as we enter this new phase in both of our lives.  But, more and more, my role is to be a light in her world, not to take on her problems.  

Its the same with headlines in the news.  I have no control over those events, I am just called to be a light.  God is the authority over the world, not me.  With normal every day life, I will give my best effort towards my responsibilities.  But, there's always going to be things outside of my control.  I'm called to be a light, trust God, and not take on problems that aren't my own.

2.  Fear always discounts the presence of God.  Fear is a mirage.  A mirage is an image which looks real, but isn't really there.  As a person gets closer to a mirage, it disappears.  Fear is the same way.  When you step closer to it and confront it, it disappears.  

Fear's job is to convince you of the worst possible outcome of any situation.  Once the seed of negativity is planted, fear reminds you of the worst possible outcome again and again.  It will continue to do this until you begin to believe the worst outcome is not just a possibility but an inevitable reality.  Fear is one of Satan's most effective weapons against people of faith.

But, God tells us no weapon formed against us will prosper.  Our minds must counteract fear with scripture, because scripture tells us God is with His people.  He brings victory to situations with no hope.  He confuses and confounds our enemies, so there's no doubt God Himself has entered into war on behalf of His children.

The Bible tells us not to fear three hundred and sixty-five different times.  That's one reminder for every day of the year.  God tells us to be strong and courageous, not to be frightened, because He is with us.  He tells us He will strengthen us and even uphold us.  He says whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.  

Isaiah 41:10 - Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Proverbs 29:25 - The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.

Joshua 1:9 - Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be frightened, and do not be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.

God cares about our mindset and He does not want us living in a state of negativity and fear.  He knows fear causes bondage, and He doesn't like anything that puts His children in bondage.  

3.  Declare God's Promises.  I have been watching a lot of football lately, which means I am also watching a lot of commercials.  I keep watching all of these new, fancy cellphone commercials.  I have been thinking about my phone and how it doesn't have the latest, most awesome-est technology.  Finally, last week, I broke down and ordered a new phone.

I'm really excited.  I told my kids about it.  I told them about all of the newest, coolest features and we even watched some YouTube videos about it together.  I explained the AI that's coming on this phone, and how it will be able to do so many things my old phone couldn't do.  My kids are excited, too, because they want to see the new phone.

"Mom, where is it?  I want to see it." my daughter said.

Even though I was excited about it, I didn't actually have the phone yet.  With the snowstorm that has hit our region, shipping was delayed.  

"I haven't gotten it yet," I told her.  "But I know its coming.  Its in the mail."  Then I showed her the anticipated delivery date on my phone.  I don't doubt whether or not it will arrive, because it has been promised by the phone company.  

We should feel the same way about God's promises.  The Bible says to believe and receive.  If God said it, then its coming.  He doesn't lie, so we can count on His promises.  God promises us His love, guidance, protection, forgiveness, blessings, and even His presence.  That's by no means an exhaustive list, either.  

Are you waiting on guidance for a tough situation?  Its on the way.  Do you need protecting from forces that are threatening to do you harm?  You can count on it.  Do you need healing from years of hurt?  Well, God has promised it to you and it is coming.  

In the meantime, you can go ahead and declare it.  I don't have the new phone yet, but I am still telling everyone about it.  I know its coming.  You can declare God's healing over your past.  You can thank him for delivering you from a difficult situation, even though you're still in it.  You can praise Him because this world is still under His authority, and He has already obtained victory over it.  God's promises are true, and they are reliable.

I checked my schedule for the upcoming week and I felt fear making a play for my peace.  I had to take a deep breath.  There are some things on the schedule that feel challenging, even insurmountable.  But, things that feel like mountains to me are nothing for my God.  He hands me victory after victory, and the deck is stacked against anything trying to harm me.  All He asks from me is to show up and not be afraid.  

I can handle that.

We visited the Grand Canyon over Christmas break.  I had never seen it before, so it was one more thing I can check off of my bucket list.  What an incredible, wonderous phenomenon.  God's handiwork displayed on this canvas called Earth is really something to behold.  As my kids said, the Grand Canyon is really grand.  It lives up to its name.

It reminds me of when I was once hiking up a mountain in Alaska.  We'd been hiking for several hours, and we were on a flat area of the mountain that was absolutely covered with wildflowers.  The sun was shining through the clouds and the flowers almost appeared as if they were backlit.  It was a gold spotlight, highlighting all of these gorgeous colors.  I'd never seen light like that before.  

The mountain range overlooked the sea, and I remember thinking to myself, this must be what heaven looks like.  It was the most beautiful scene I'd ever witnessed, to this day.  At that moment, I realized my mind couldn't imagine anything more stunning.  It was the only time I can recall being brought to tears by something so beautiful it could only be credited to God.  It took my breath away.

It makes me wonder.  What kind of God is so creative?  What kind of God cares so much about our surroundings, or about beauty in general?  Fascinating to think about, isn't it?

He not only made our surroundings beautiful, but He also made us beautiful.  Did you know that you're beautiful?  If you don't know it, let me tell you.  You are.  I'm not talking about the world's beauty standards, because those standards aren't true beauty.  

1 Samuel 16:7   But the LORD said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”

Those laugh lines that are appearing more frequently on your face?  Beautiful.  How could years of laughter not be beautiful?  Gray hair starting to appear, or perhaps it has fully arrived?  Beautiful.  Those are years of walking with the Lord, and your wisdom was earned.  

Your sense of humor?  Beautiful.  Your thoughtfulness even though you've experienced years of hurt?  Stunning.  Your kindness towards those in your life?  Gorgeous.  Your laugh?  He loves it.  Your tears?  He collects them.  Your faithfulness?  He is moved by it.  

In God's eyes, it is not uncommon to become more and more beautiful as we get older.  Don't get me wrong, He thinks all of His daughters are beautiful regardless of age.  But, He sees the heart, and something happens to our hearts when we've walked with God for a long time.  

The kids and I hiked around a portion of the rim of the Grand Canyon on our vacation.  It was my favorite time of the entire trip.  We were away from the crowds, the tour buses, and the gift shops.  It was the three of us on a trail, overlooking some of the most stunning scenery imaginable.  There were no sounds except the ravens circling in the sky.   

Heaven for an introvert.

Both of my kids were ahead of me on the trail.  I was slow, because I kept stopping to take in the views and snap a few pictures.  But, the thing about taking pictures of the Grand Canyon is nothing seems to truly capture its beauty.  Its one of those wonders you have to see in person.  I tried and tried, but I was never happy with the photographs.  

I can tell you, however, that the true beauty is inside the canyon.  Layers and layers of different colored rock (sediment?  I didn't do well in Geology class) are what make it beautiful.  Some appear to be white.  Some look red.  Some look purple.  Some look orange.  The layers were created over time, under pressure. Together they look like a painting, created by a talented artist.

When we walk with God, the layers inside of us become beautiful, too.  Have you ever thought about the different chapters of your life and the type of layer it would create?  I've got a childhood era that has a lot of layers.  What about when you became an independent adult?  When/if you got married ?  When/if you had kids?  If layers are created by time and pressure, I should have a few.  Some still have jagged edges.  But, all together, they're the beautiful story of a life that I've been privileged to live.

The kids and I finished our hike and found a restaurant for lunch.  It was crowded, and we got in line behind other hungry tourists waiting for a table.  I immediately missed the solace of the hike, and I knew I had just experienced the highlight of the trip.  God's beauty is incomparable, and even the smallest glimpse of his handiwork is rejuvenating to me.

How I love Him.

We are preparing for a large snowstorm this weekend.  I, no longer a homeowner, do not need to worry about things such as my roof, my pipes, or shoveling my driveway.  I am not bragging.  Okay, maybe I am.  But I am also so grateful the Lord helped me to sell my home and simplify my life.  We would be digging ourselves out for days after this storm.

However, this post isn't about gratitude although I'd rather write about gratitude.  This is another post on forgiveness because if I have to continue learning this lesson, I figure I will drag all of you through it with me.

The thing with divorce is that it makes some people really sad.  It also makes some people really angry.  I fall into the latter category.  I am a recovering hothead, and my anger tendencies got so much worse through my divorce.  Sometimes things still happen that light the fuse straight to my red hair.  One of those things happened in the past few weeks.  

It was a situation that didn't have anything to do with my divorce, actually.  But, one of the lessons I learned from the aftermath of my divorce was I need proper and healthy boundaries.  I have done (and still am doing) a lot of work in this area.  It means I no longer drop everything for other people's needs (unless God asks me to), and I do not sacrifice myself (unless God asks me to) simply to please other people.  I've lived my entire life trying to get other people to like me because I didn't like myself.  The divorce magnified this greatly, and God has been trying to grow me in this area.  

So, this is a change for friends who are used to having my center of attention anytime they want.  True friends understand the reasons for my change, and they're supportive of my health and my new boundaries.  Others don't handle it so well.

I was dealing with the "don't handle it well" scenario while trying to establish healthy boundaries. I did something new for me, and I declined an invitation to see a particular set of friends.  Instead, I decided to allow myself time to rest and recover from a very long week at work.  Not only did I decline the invitation, I told them I probably wouldn't see them for a few months due to my hectic work schedule. 

All of a sudden my friends were no longer so friendly.  They became rude and demanding.  

Years of sacrifice for these friends, years of dropping everything for them when they needed me, and they can't be supportive when I am exhausted?  I was surprised.  I was hurt.  But, mostly, I was really, really angry.  

Yes, my fuse was lit over this situation.  I played scenarios in my mind.  How can I make sure they know they are wrong?  I needed to send the message loud and clear.  I pondered on this over and over.  Then, I went from pondering this situation to replaying things that happened fifteen years ago in my marriage.  I was wronged then, too!  I thought about things that happened in my childhood.  I was wronged then, too!  

I only had one problem.

Years of walking with our precious Savior have taught me when I'm this mad, I'm the one who is wrong.  How I wish it wasn't true.  But, Jesus has shown me that even if I'm completely, absolutely, and totally right (and I am right to set boundaries) but I am reacting with fury, I am wrong.

It was a shame, really, because I was on a roll.  I was about to set a lot of wrongs right.  I had imaginary text messages written in my head.  Fully edited.  But, the Holy Spirit put a quiet little question into my mind.  Are you really sure you want to allow your anger to control you like this?  

I didn't like the question.  I was, after all, setting boundaries God asked me to set.  So, I took to my journal, as per my usual.  I explained the situation to God, and I tried to find rationale for my rage.  There was none, no matter how many angles I explored.  God said exactly what I knew He would say.  I want you to forgive, and I want you to let this go.

So, now I had a choice.  I could listen to God or I could listen to my flesh.  One leads to freedom, the other leads to bondage.  I could make the hard decision now to forgive and walk in freedom, or make the easy decision to rant and live with hard consequences.  If I'm being honest, what I wanted to do is rant and send those well-written text messages.  But, I know deep down, I'm not on this earth to do what I want to do.  

I asked God how I could possibly forgive when I'm this mad.  Forgiveness is a great thing, yes, but I don't know how to practically make it happen.  But, again, God really isn't one to entertain my excuses.  

Pray for them.  Forgive them.

I told God that I would pray for them.  I would even say the words "I forgive them" in my prayers, but I knew I was still going to be mad for days and possibly weeks.  I would say the words, but nothing in my body was going to feel it.  It wasn't going to be sincere.

Every time you get mad, pray for them.  Forgive them.  Do your part and I will do mine.

If I prayed for them every time I got mad, I'd be praying all of the time!  How was this going to work exactly?  But, once again, I knew that if I didn't make the hard decision now to forgive I would be up all night, mad.  This girl really hates to lose sleep.  I would smolder for days, be miserable, and I would lash out at my kids.  Then, I would feel guilty and hate myself for being the angry Mom.  I really didn't want another ride on that emotional roller coaster.  I've ridden it enough.

All of a sudden, this became about me instead of  them.  I started to fully understand I was going to be the one who suffered.  So, I decided to try.  I mean, really try.

The first day was such a battle.  Every time the situation popped into my head, I would stop the thought process, pray for them, and tell God I've forgiven this and I am letting it go.  Sometimes it would pop into my head again five minutes later.  I'd have to do it all over again.  I must have prayed twenty or thirty times.  It was exhausting.  But, you know what?  Rage and anger are exhausting too.  So, I decided I'd rather fight the flesh than succumb to it.

That night, I told God I wasn't going to go to bed angry regardless of my absolute desire to fall back into my old behaviors.  As much as I could choose, I was going to choose forgiveness.  I couldn't believe it, but I slept like a baby that night.  It was a deep, peaceful sleep and I knew God was in this battle with me.  

The second day was a little easier, but not much.  The situation popped into my mind again shortly after I woke up.  So, I went through it all again.  I prayed.  I forgave.  I told God I was letting go.  Then, I did it again.  And again.  And again.  Once again, at the end of the day, I slept peacefully.

I awoke the third day and the situation popped into my head again.  But, this time things were different.  I had clarity that didn't exist before.  I wasn't angry.  I thought about their side of things.  I wondered why they were so afraid to allow me some space.  I thought about things that had happened to them, and fear they possibly had of losing people.  I didn't know why they reacted the way they did, but I came to the conclusion that it ultimately wasn't about me.  These issues were likely between them and God, and truly I did need to pray for them.

Then, miraculously, I was able to let it go.  If they continue to treat me this way, I reasoned, then they weren't my friends to begin with.  But, I can let it go.  If need be, I can also let them go.  I can do all of these things and not be angry anymore.

This may seem like common sense to other people, but this was a brand new thing for me.  The light bulb above my head turned on.  I have the ability to do things regardless of how I feel, including forgiveness.  I can be really, really angry and still choose to forgive.  I can be obedient to God during the storm, while the feelings are bubbling over.  My feelings do not get the final say! 

What a revelation for me.  What a new level of freedom.  I came across these verses in Job that were timely for me.  By revisiting every wrong that's ever been done to me (and also not recognizing wrongs I've done to others), it feels like entertaining evil in my mind as referred in the passage.  If you refuse to entertain it, you'll keep a firm grip on life and troubles will fade away.  

Job 11: 13-20 “Still, if you set your heart on God and reach out to him, If you scrub your hands of sin    and refuse to entertain evil in your home, You’ll be able to face the world unashamed and keep a firm grip on life, guiltless and fearless.

You’ll forget your troubles; they’ll be like old, faded photographs. Your world will be washed in sunshine, every shadow dispersed by dawn.  Full of hope, you’ll relax, confident again; you’ll look around, sit back, and take it easy.

Expansive, without a care in the world, you’ll be hunted out by many for your blessing.  But the wicked will see none of this. They’re headed down a dead-end road with nothing to look forward to—nothing.”

Isn't scripture fascinating?

I am amazed how lesson after lesson from God always results in my freedom.  He truly wants no bondage to contain his daughters.  He wants us free, happy, content, bold, brave, and confident.  Anything holding us back is going to be at odds with our God.  

What a Savior.

We sat down for dinner on the train.  It was getting dark, and windows showed shadows of buildings and landscapes as we passed through small towns.  We were in the dining car, and there were tables covered with white linen tablecloths in a row, down the length of the car.  Each table could seat four people.  Since there were only three of us, we would be seated with someone we didn't know.  The train had to make use of all the space it could.

We were seated with a single elderly gentleman.  He brought a book with him to read while he ate.  He wasn't intending to have much of a conversation, which suited my inner introvert just fine.  For the first fifteen minutes or so, he read while the kids and I chatted about everything and nothing in particular.  

After a while, he started to warm up to us.  Maybe it was our chatty nature, or perhaps he simply wanted a break from his book.  When the food was served, he had to put down the book anyway.  So,  he began to talk with us a little.  He was from Indiana and he lived on a farm.  He didn't give many details of his trip, and I didn't ask.  But, he'd ridden trains before.  

When he talked about his past trips, he always referred to "we".  We went to California.  We enjoyed the steak restaurant.  But, on this trip, it was "I".  I wondered if "we" referred to his wife and I also wondered if she had perhaps passed away.  

I looked at his left hand, but there was no wedding ring.  It didn't mean anything, but I couldn't help but wonder.  Perhaps she died before they could go on this trip together.  My heart went out to him.  

I stole a glance at the book he was reading.  It was called The Art of Racing In The Rain.  It was a good book and we'd watched the movie as well.  He asked us if we were familiar with it, because he couldn't put it down.  We told him yes, and we wouldn't spoil the ending for him, but it was quite a story.  

This ended up becoming a conversation gold mine as the topic shifted to dogs.  He told us all about his Golden Retriever, her loyalty and her charming personality.  He really missed her.  We love dogs, so the three of us enjoyed asking questions about the dog and sharing pictures of our Husky.

He mentioned some friends were watching his dog while he took this trip.  It confirmed my suspicion that no one else was at home.  I wondered how his wife died.  I thought about him returning home, alone, to his dog.  

After we finished eating, we said our goodbyes and wished him well.  The next day, we returned to the dining cart again for lunch.  The same man was sitting there, waiting for us.  He'd already eaten, but he wanted to see us again so he could show us pictures of his dog.  He pulled out his smartphone and we genuinely enjoyed looking at about a dozen pictures of a beautiful golden retriever.  

In one of the photos, the dog was curled up around the neck of an older woman.  She had a friendly face and I smiled at her hair.  It was dyed bright red but the color faded, resulting in a significant purple hue.  

"Who is this?" I asked.

"Oh that's my girlfriend." he answered.

I was so surprised.  How dare he have a girlfriend when his wife just died?  Perhaps he'd just begun dating and his wife passed a long time ago.  Maybe he'd lived his entire life single.  But, if that was the case, who was "we"?  And why wasn't the girlfriend watching the dog?  There was a lot going on with this situation, but you know, I'm not one to pry.    

Again, we said our goodbyes and he went on his way.  

The next day, we returned to the dining car for dinner.  We had a later dinner time, so by the time we'd arrived, there were no single riders to be paired with us for dinner.  I noticed the elderly man had been seated with another group.  The three of us chatted throughout dinner and as soon as the other group exited, he walked over to our table and sat down in the empty seat. 

"I finished the book," he said.

"Are you all right?"  I asked.  "We didn't want to spoil it for you, but its a very emotional ending."

"You're not kidding." he said.  "I think I need therapy."

I told him the story of when I was reading Where The Red Fern Grows.  Alex, my son, had a follow-up appointment at the cancer hospital.  At this point in his journey, his health was fine and we were there simply for a check-up.  But, at the time I was reading Where The Red Fern Grows in the waiting room.  If you've ever read the book, you know it is probably the saddest dog story ever written.  I was sobbing  uncontrollably as I made my way to the end of the book.  

Just around that time, the hospital was giving a tour to help with fundraising efforts.  All of these nice people were making their way through the lobby while the guide explained the different amenities for children in the waiting room.  Meanwhile, I sobbed in the corner uncontrollably.  I'm sure everyone thought my son was dying.  But, no, I was just reading Where The Red Fern Grows. 

The old man laughed at my story.  "I bet they raised a lot of money that day," he said.

"Well, they should have.  I was very distraught."

"I've never read that book," he said.

"I'm not sure I'd recommend it right now," I said.  "You need recovery time first."

He agreed, then got quiet.  "I miss the smell of my dog," he said. 

"That's a real thing," I told him.  I remembered my days of severe anxiety and my weekly therapy sessions.  The therapist asked me to think of calming things during one of my sessions.  I told her playing with my dog, petting my dog, and even the smell of my dog.  So, I knew what he meant when he said he missed her smell. 

"Yes, it is a real thing," he replied.  Interesting to me that he never once mentioned missing his girlfriend, but you know, that was none of my business.  

Our train was nearing the end of its journey, so he reached into his pocket and pulled out a business card.  

"If you'd like to keep in touch and share dog pictures," he said.  

I looked at the card.  It had his name, followed by a comma, then the word Friend.  It had his e-mail address and phone number, and the rest of the card was blank.  I was struck that someone would carry around business cards as a means of making friends.  We said our goodbyes one final time.

If there's one thing I've learned during my walk with Jesus, it is that nothing in life is a random encounter.  I certainly don't know why the connection was made with this old man, but I know there was a reason.  The Lord works in mysterious ways.

"That man was my favorite person we've met so far on this trip," my son said as we navigated the train station.

"Mine too," my daughter agreed.

I thought about what I would put on a card if I carried one around.  What if there were only one word to describe me?  Would it be Friend?  Accountant? Chocolate Lover? (technically that's two words) Introvert?  Here's my card.  I want to be your friend but I don't know how to articulate it because I'm an introvert.  

What would Jesus put on his card?  Savior. Friend.  Redeemer.  How do you describe Him without writing paragraphs? I don't think you can. The prophet Isaiah also struggled to describe the Messiah in one word. 

Isaiah 9:6: For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace

Can you imagine if the Messiah sat down at a table with you, just like the elderly gentleman did on our train?  If you looked into his eyes, would you know He created you?  Would you immediately recognize Him?  Would your heart skip a beat, sensing you were sitting across from perfection in the flesh?

It happened to the woman at the well.  She knew he was the Messiah.  Not immediately, though.  She was going about her everyday duties, drawing water at the well.  It was hot, and she wanted to finish her chores.  Then, out of nowhere, she had a random encounter with a stranger that would change her forever.  

She met her Creator.  

At first, she thought He was a prophet.  But when He told her He was the Messiah, she knew it was true.  He could tell her every detail about her life, even the details she wasn't so proud of.  She was so stunned by Him, and so excited that she ran away to tell everyone else.  She even left her water jar at the well.  

John 4:39 Many of the Samaritans from that town believed in him because of the woman’s testimony, “He told me everything I ever did.” 40 So when the Samaritans came to him, they urged him to stay with them, and he stayed two days. 41 And because of his words many more became believers.

I think about this scenario sometimes.  What would I do if I ran into Jesus?  I think I would cry for a long time.  I would cling to Him, begging Him to take me with Him wherever He was going.  If he were coming to my house, I'd likely go into full Martha mode, cleaning every surface in sight.  I relate to Martha, by the way, because I fully understand her plight.

But, what I would do in this scenario really doesn't matter.  The question is what would He do?  If we ran into Jesus, what would He tell us?

I'm sure many things He would say would be unique to us as individuals.  But, I do know this much based on the Bible.  He would tell us we are His daughters.  He would say He loves us.  He would say He was proud of us and our faith, no matter what kind of shambles our life might be in.  He would tell us we are beautiful.  He would say He wants a relationship with us.  He sees our struggles and He would remind us we are never alone.  He would say He can't wait to show us our permanent home, dwelling with Him forever.  

Our worlds would be rocked forever, because we've never come into contact with a love like His.  Love that changes a person.  Love that makes you run from a water well, leaving your jar behind, just to tell everyone else.  There would be no need for a business card, because an encounter like that could never be described in one word.

The woman at the well said it perfectly, in fact.  "He told me everything I ever did."  What more would there be to say?  He knocked her socks off, so much so that she didn't even try to describe Him.  She simply said He knew it all.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  And He loved me anyway.  

How can one not be forever changed by such an event?  

I returned home from our train trip, and I set the Friend card on my dresser.  I thought about the man, the dog, and the girlfriend with the purple hair. It was a random encounter that left an impression on all of us.  Perhaps I'll send him a few dog pictures every so often.  Maybe I'll send him a copy of Where The Red Fern Grows.  Who knows, maybe someday we will see him again on another train trip.  

But, I know this much.  

Random encounters are rarely random.

This year, for our holiday trip, we are taking a train ride across the country.  It is a new experience for the kids and I, and I'm actually writing this post from my seat on the train.  I am a pretty adventurous traveler and I love to experience new things, so I'm excited.  Our trip will cross into the new year, which is actually my favorite holiday with God.  I love reflecting on the year gone by, but even more I love asking Him what He wants me to learn in the new year.  I packed a new journal for myself on this trip, and I plan to jot down the lessons God wants me to learn in the upcoming year.  

The first time I took a New Year's trip was the year of my divorce.  It was New Year's Eve and I didn't know what was going to lie ahead.  I asked God to tell me what I needed to do.  How was I going to move forward?  Holidays immediately following divorce are terrible, and I felt so bad that year.   

God told me to work on finding my place.

I wrote it down, even though I wasn't sure what it meant.  

I was so excited that I went out and bought stickers to decorate my journal.  I put stickers down the spine of my journal that said "Finding My Place".  On the cover of the journal, I found another set of stickers that said, "This Story".  I liked it.  It was a new year, and "this story" was going to be about finding my place.  Neat.

Little did I know what God had in store for me and my little stickered journal.  How can you find your place when you have no idea who you are or where your value lies?  How can you find your place when everything that defined you has been stripped away?

Well, dear readers, you can't.  

As I focused on finding my place, I began to realize that everything in my life was out of place.  At work, I was doing work that I needed to delegate to others.  But, I was living in such a place of fear that I wanted to do everything myself.  I couldn't take the chance of disappointing my superiors because I couldn't disappoint yet another person.  So, I was overworked and exhausted.

In my personal relationships, I made friendships that weren't good for me.  I was functioning in relationships that were out of place in my life.  With my kids, I wasn't parenting as I should have been.  I was trying to be their friend because I didn't have it in me to deal with conflict.  I also didn't want to lose my relationship with them.  

Slowly but surely, God showed me all of the different areas of my life that were out of place.  To say it was sobering was an understatement.  I knew things weren't working but I thought it was all stemming from the pain of my divorce.  God showed me I was making decisions that were causing me dysfunction.  I was out of place and I didn't even know it.  Yes, the divorce had put me in a tailspin, but the decisions were all mine. 

Finding my place was no longer a cute motto down the spine of my journal.  It was a complete overhaul of my life and it required me to face things I didn't want to face.  I filled my journal with the cutest of stickers, but the words inside of it were anything but cute.  I wrestled and fought to find my place.  I was terrified of rejection and disappointment. 

If I delegated at work, what if my co-workers didn't like it?  If I ended friendships that didn't honor God, how would I handle disappointing those friends? How would I even approach those conversations?  If I drew boundaries with my kids, I was terrified I would lose them.  They were teenagers at the time.

Oh, I poured my heart out to God with all of my fears.  I felt like my entire world was going to come crashing down if I made the changes I needed to make.  My heart wouldn't handle the rejection of everyone who was going to be unhappy with me, I was sure of it.  Yes, I was out of place, but at least everyone was happy with me.  Or at least the "me" I pretended to be.

What a lie from the devil.  

Isn't it interesting.  We're willing to hurt ourselves by compromising our beliefs rather than face rejection.  Rejection hurts, but compromising our beliefs will destroy us.  God knew I was being destroyed.  It was slow, but it was happening.  If there's one thing God doesn't like, it is His daughters being hurt.  He's a protective Father.

I bought more stickers and I even purchased muti-colored pens to let God know how serious I was about my journal and finding my place.  I continued to pour my heart out page after page, my fears highlighted in glittery, gel pens.  As I did, I also slowly made changes, one at a time.  

I started to get better.  My fears began to calm.  Anxiety no longer ran rampant all day, every day.  Friendships that weren't good for me fell away easier than I thought.  It shouldn't have been surprising since they weren't based on anything real. (Mini-lesson here: You don't have to protect relationships that aren't based on truth.) My workload became manageable and the team rose to the new challenges.  But, the biggest shock was my kids were happy to have their Mom back.  My chaos had become their chaos and even though they pushed against the new boundaries, they also found comfort in them.

Towards the end of the year, the journal was starting to fall apart.  I'd filled every page, and it was a large journal.  The spine was starting to come loose and a few pages were starting to release from the binding.  One of the stickers on the front of the journal had come off, and I knew it was time to find a new journal soon.  I went to the kitchen to get a piece of scotch tape to tape the fallen sticker back on.  The "T" from "This story" would no longer stick to the cover of the journal.

As I went to tape the "T" back on, I realized what had happened.  The front of my journal now said "His story".  I dropped the tape as my eyes filled with tears.  The T was never meant to be there in the first place.  All of this time, I thought I was writing my story in glittery ink.  But, my place was in His story, not my own.  How could I not have seen it?  Of course finding my place was all about His story.  

I never replaced the sticker on that journal and it remains on my bookshelf to this day.  I've filled many journals since, but none will be so special as that one.  

Yesterday, I was on a flight with my kids, kicking off our vacation.  We sat next to a mother who also had her two teenage kids with her.  She and I began chatting.  They were going to North Carolina on vacation, and I told her we were going to the Grand Canyon. 

"Do you always take a vacation at Christmas?" I asked her.

"No," she said as her eyes watered.  "This year I just went through a really big divorce and we just needed to get away.  So we are going somewhere new and doing something different."

"I'm sorry," I told her.  "It has been about five years since my divorce and I completely understand.  It gets easier every year."

"It doesn't feel like it will," she said.

"If I could give you one piece of advice, after so much change, take your time to find your place again."

She nodded.  The plane landed and we went our separate ways.  I couldn't help but think of my journal as she walked away, and His story.  I still marvel at how He saved me from myself.  How merciful and mighty our God is.  

He loves us like no other.

The holidays are here.  Are you ready?  

For a family that's been through divorce, holidays can be hard. Days that were once fun and exciting can invoke a sense of dread.  Traditions that were special can feel like duty, trying to get through all of the memories, knowing the day will not feel the same.  

For this reason, I often take trips with my kids around the holidays rather than celebrate at home in a traditional way.  I suppose running from heartbreak probably isn't the answer, but I like to give it a good try.  I'll take a plane, train, or an automobile if it gets me out of holiday heartbreak.

Our holiday trips have become so enjoyable that we prefer them to traditional holidays.  I'm no longer running away from the holidays, now I look forward to them.  Our vacations have become a time of reset for us, a time to focus on God and our relationships.  

I had a recent conversation with a friend who was planning an annual Christmas party at his small business.  He was wondering if he should change the name to Holiday Party instead of Christmas Party so he didn't offend non-Christian guests.  "It doesn't bother me to change the name," he said, "because it is a work party and not about God.  It truly is a holiday party."

It was an interesting comment that made me think.  I wonder how many of our Christmas parties are holiday parties.  For that matter, how many of our traditions are merely holiday traditions?  Do they really celebrate Christ?  That's when I finally understood my avoidance.  I dread holiday parties, not Christmas itself.  In fact, I adore Christmas.

So, as I book my vacation this holiday season, I thought I'd share a few of my reminders to myself for the holiday parties I will be attending (or hosting) this season.   

1.  You don't have to pretend.  No scripture in the Bible rewards human attempts towards perfection, or for that matter, attempts to be like someone else.  In fact, the Bible tells about Jacob who pretended to be his brother Esau to receive a blessing from his father.  He decided to deceive his father because this particular blessing was only handed down to the firstborn son.  Being the second-born son, Jacob decided to deceive his blind father by impersonating Esau.  

The results of pretending to be his brother were life-changing for Jacob.  He was on the run for twenty years and lived in fear of Esau for decades.  But, Jacob didn't understand one very important thing.  God isn't going to bless who you pretend to be.  He will only bless who you really are.  You don't have to pretend, deceive, or impersonate someone else to get a blessing in your life.  God is looking for an honest life to bless, not an imaginary one.

We don't have to pretend everything is perfect and assume God will bless us for pretending.  Sometimes it is easier to hide pain behind imaginary holiday masks, but God sees right through it.  He sees the tears we shed before the big dinners.  He knows what its like to say goodbye to our kids while they spend holidays with both families.  He understands heartbreak, and He loves us through it. We are his daughters, after all, and He is a really good Father.  

This holiday season, you can stop pretending.

2.  Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.  You're called to be an active participant in your life, but not the one who controls everything.  

For the past two years, God has called me to simplify my life.  Over and over, when I seek his guidance on decisions, He reminds me to choose the simpler option.  He wanted me to sell my house and move closer to my job, reducing my commute time.  He wanted me to break free of relationships that were complicated in my life.  These relationships that were harming me and leading me away from Him.  Then, in the midst of my move,  I had the bright idea of going back to school in the evenings.  God warned me this is the opposite of simplifying my life, and I am certainly glad I am not taking evening classes right now.  

One thing is very clear to me.  God wants me to be free.  

Now that I'm understanding the need to simplify big things in my life, I understand He also calls me to simplify my daily life.  Don't take on too much.  Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.  Stop creating to-do lists that are impossible to conquer.  Let others handle tasks for you, instead of needing to control everything.

Not that I would ever need to control everything.

Do you want to hear something amazing?  When I first started down this road of simplification, I thought it was impossible.  Who else was going to do everything that needed to be done if I slowed down?  How would this work?  But, whenever I had days that were overwhelming, God always stepped in.  He would either provide help to me (but I had to accept it), or he would straight-up clear my schedule through miraculous events.  He always provided a way for me to choose a simpler option.

God does not want us lost in the hurry and the busy, living life mentally exhausted.  He wants us to do our tasks well, but He doesn't want us drowning in them.  This means we don't have to take on too much.  Sometimes we need to say no and recognize our limits, and sometimes we need to accept help.  But most importantly, we need to talk to God as we make our way through the day.  He knows the decisions that are best for us.  

3.  Gratitude is the only way to approach the season.  No one receives the peace of God without giving thanks to God.  Did your main course just burn in the oven? (I am asking this hypothetically, of course.) You don't have to be thankful for the burnt food, but you can be thankful in the situation.  Perhaps we didn't get the Christmas bonus we wanted this year.  We can be thankful we have a job that's paying the bills.  Maybe you're like me, and your kids aren't spending Christmas day with you this year.  You can be thankful for the time you do get with them, and grateful they have so many people who want to see them over the holidays. 

Gratitude is not ignoring that life is hard.  It is simply being thankful for the blessings we do have instead of focusing on what we don't have.  It is the decision to fill our emptiness with God's glory and grace.  There's nothing like a fresh perspective to pull us out of a difficult place.

Psalm 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

God is capable of delivering us from every difficult situation, and He will deliver us.  He is God and beside Him, there is no other.  Speak faith into your situation, and remember you are a loved daughter of the Most High King. 

It is a Saturday afternoon and I've just awaken from a deep sleep.  The type of sleep that makes you wake up disoriented, not sure where you're at.  Sometimes I still wake up and think I'm at my old house.  But, as time goes by, it happens less often.

It is a beautiful Saturday, and the ability to sleep like this is a blessing.  I don't take it lightly.  I've spent years with troubled sleep, so when it happens so beautifully, I am grateful.  I live high off the ground in an apartment building in the city, and I sleep with the window open.  I let the cool breeze flow over me, and listen to the sound of the city as I lie in my bed.

It is still surreal to me.  Our apartment is small, and my son and I both prefer it over our large family home.  It isn't quiet like our country home.  It doesn't have all of the amenities, or a yard, or the peaceful, tranquil setting.  

And yet, I sleep.  Better than I have in years.  

I don't understand it.  I only know God is so good to me.  He's bringing me back from the brink of breakdown, back from decades of burnout, and slowly I am beginning to come back to life.  Things that were once gray are starting to have color, and joy is infused into the smallest tasks that were once overwhelming.  

I lived on the edge of burnout for many years.  I was in a difficult marriage, working a high-stress job, and raising kids who had been traumatized in their first few years of life.  

Then came the divorce.  

By the time divorce came along, I had already been living a life of burnout, like many who have gone through this process.  At the time you desperately need recovery, you find yourself grasping for strength to go through the most challenging event of your life.  It has been nearly five years since I've been separated, and three years since the divorce.  Throughout those five years, I've been clawing myself out of a deep hole, trying to get to promised land, past the pain and self hatred.  

Past the burnout.  

Every year brings progress and a closer walk with God.  Goodness, what a journey.  There were days where I made progress and there were days where I started over at the bottom of the pit again.  There were days where one foot in front of another was all I could do.  I would dread waking up in the mornings because the first hour of the day took me to the depth of my grief for a long time.  The remainder of the day was spent recovering.

But, God doesn't waste pain.  He used mine to remind me where my worth and value truly reside.  If I thought it was in my marriage, it wasn't.  My job didn't define me either.  Neither did my kids, my hobbies, my relationships, or even my own personal opinions and beliefs.

Only the God of the universe defines me.  He says I am His daughter.

When I was in high school, I took a photography class.  This was before digital photography, mind you, so we developed photos in a dark room.  When we took a photo, we didn't know what it looked like for days or perhaps even weeks.  We simply trusted it was a good photo because the original image was beautiful to us.  

In my photography class, I learned to remove film from its protective container.  If the film was exposed to too much light, it was ruined.  So, all film had to be removed in a dark room.  We had a dark room in the back of our photography class, a large closet that our teacher had converted.  The closet was lit with red lights, just bright enough for us to see, and a table was set up with trays containing fluid to develop our photos.

Over the course of the semester, I learned how to develop the photos in the dark.  They took a long time to develop.  At first, only the faintest outline of the images could be seen, but over time, they developed depth and color.  

We hung our developing photos to dry in the dark room, and once they were finished, they were bought into the light.  My favorite part of the process was watching the photos transform during their development. Often times while they were developing, the images would seem distorted.  I couldn't see how they were going to develop into something beautiful.  But, they always did and when they were finally brought into the light, they looked even more beautiful.

Our valleys with God can feel the same way.  We may view our darkness as death, but God views it as development.  We may view our problems as distortion, but God knows the end result is going to develop into something beautiful.  

There's some serious development happening in the dark room after a divorce.  In the dark, you find yourself, and you're reminded Who defines you, instead of whatever title you're wearing at the time.  Rhonda the wife, Rhonda the employee, Rhonda the mother were all different titles that defined me.  But what happens without the title?   

Well, friends, I can tell you.  You end up in the dark room, with a sign that says "Under Development" on the door.  

God can take any of our titles away at any moment.  If we lose one of our titles, we'll feel like we've screwed up and possibly ruined our lives, whether its our fault or not.  But, God is sovereign and in control.  He knew this was coming.  So, He gave us a title we can't lose.  

Daughter of the High King.  

He gave us a title that gives us eternal worth and value.  He gave us a title that is the same, yesterday, today and forever.  His titles last for eternity. 

Have I told you that I was bit by a spider recently?

I didn't see it happen, but I certainly noticed the results of the bite.  My skin turned dark purple around my ankle and my foot swelled up.  The skin around the bite started to slough off.  My son took a picture of it and googled spider bites, as he urged me to seek medical attention for my "oozing monstrosity".

I did what any other normal person would do.  I ignored my son's morbid research.  I had a busy week at work ahead and didn't have time to see a doctor.  I slapped a few band-aids over the "monstrosity" and went about my business. It looked terrible, yes, but it was fairly painless and every day the swelling seemed to be getting a little better.

I did have one symptom that bothered me, though.  I had an upset stomach.  I asked God to please help me (even though I wouldn't help myself by going to the doctor) and I felt his clear guidance to go to the pharmacy and get some medicine for my stomach. 

As I arrived at the pharmacy,  I considered which medication I should buy.  Pepto was the typical choice, so I did what any normal person would do and I purchased Milk of Magnesia.  It was basically the same as Pepto Bismol except I liked the color of  Milk of Magnesia.  I thought it would help more with my stomach ache.  White minty medicine was certainly going to be more soothing than pink, and I'm sure many others have thought the same thing.

Some of you who know what Milk of Magnesia is have probably already figured out the punchline of this story.  Well, good for you, but unfortunately for me at this point in my life I had no idea that Milk of Magnesia was a laxative.  Apparently, I also did not read labels.  I can assure you that now I do.  

But, back to my story.

I purchased my minty white medicine, went home and took a large dose.  No need to delay, because the Lord himself had guided me to the pharmacy.  I was sure I felt better immediately.  I made dinner, watched something on Netflix and went to sleep.

The next morning, I was a little surprised by a few things that happened in the bathroom.  My stomach still didn't feel great, so I took some more Milk of Magnesia and went to work.  It was a bit of a rough day at work, and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom again.  By the time I got home, I still wasn't feeling great so I took some more Milk of Magnesia.

I fear all of you will question my intelligence when I tell you this, but this went on for a week.  I drank nearly an entire bottle of Milk of Magnesia over the next five days and I continued to spend more and more time in the bathroom, wondering if this is just how my life was going to be from now on.  It was one heck of a week, and by the end of it, I was also considering taking allergy medication because if I sneezed at work, I feared the results.

Finally, I decided it was time to text my Mom about it, because Moms always know what to do in situations such as these.  

Me:  You wouldn't believe the week I've had.  This spider bite is something else.  I've been in the bathroom all week!  

Mom:  What are you taking for it?

Me:  Milk of Magnesia.  I got it at the pharmacy last weekend.

Mom: (Long Pause)  Why would you take Milk of Magnesia?  Do you know it is a laxative?

Me: No, its like Pepto.  It soothes your stomach.

Mom:  Its a laxative.

Me:  No, its like Pepto.

Mom:  Go look at the label.

Me:  (after looking at the label)  ITS A LAXATIVE

Mom:  Why did you buy Milk of Magnesia?

Me:  Why did you never teach me Milk of Magnesia is a laxative?  

Mom:  Can you read??? 

I quit texting and marched upstairs to her apartment.  "How did you know Milk of Magnesia was a laxative?" I asked.  "Well I can READ, daughter," my mother replied.  

She was sitting in her recliner, laughing, with her phone in her lap.  "I only wish your grandmother was alive to hear this story," she said as she wiped her eyes with a tissue.  She was right, Grandma would have really laughed about me telling her about my ferocious spider bite that landed me in the bathroom for a week.

"I really thought this was a spider bite straight out of hell," I told her.  "I guess on the bright side, I've lost four pounds this week".  She started laughing all over again, and if nothing else, I was able to provide some entertainment for my sweet mother.  

After my week in the bathroom, I was pretty relieved to find out the cause.  Embarrassed, but relieved.

I've been trying to come up with some spiritual lessons in this story.  I couldn't find any, so I tried to find three lessons in this story that perhaps are not spiritual.  I actually came up with five:  

1.  When confronted with an unknown medical issue, call your Mom sooner rather than later.  Moms know a lot of things and apparently they can also read.

2.  Milk of Magnesia is a laxative.

3.  Milk of Magnesia is a laxative.

4.  Even when God leads you to a pharmacy, you should still read the labels.

5.  Milk of Magnesia is a laxative.

If you're wondering how the story ends, my spider bite is healing.  I still have not seen a doctor.  I realized that my stomachache is likely antacid and has nothing to do with my spider bite (yes, my Mom figured that one out, too).   I now take Prilosec for the antacid and I have unfortunately gained my four pounds back now that I am no longer in the bathroom constantly.

Sometimes life is so complicated.

My phone rang as I was packing to leave my office.  It was the end of the day and I was surprised to see my realtor's name light up the screen.  I immediately assumed there was a problem with my house.  Since the original offer fell through, I braced myself for months of being on the market, and an empty house has random maintenance issues that seem to pop up.  

I picked up the phone.

"I just received an offer on your house.  I sent it over, check your e-mail."

Once again, I was completely surprised.  Last week, the surprise wasn't good news.  But, just as I'd made peace with bad news, a blessing appeared.  Ironic that it arrived the same way the bad news did a week ago.

"Its a clean offer," he continued.  "Nothing fussy.  Buyer wants to close in 30 days."

I scanned the document.  Sure enough, the offer was clean.  There were even inspections waived, which was a nice gesture.  If the offer was legitimate, it would be the easiest home sale I'd ever participated in.

Isn't it interesting that during the most challenging part of our trials, there's often a breakthrough? I was stressed and worried over how I would have time to maintain the empty house and afford two places.  After many sleepless nights, I made peace with circumstances beyond my control.  I budgeted down to my last dollar to make things work while the housing market changed.  I prayed for help with any shortfalls.

But, God already knew my house was going to sell soon.

Pressure tends to increase right before a break.  Or in this case, a breakthrough.  I noticed the same pattern a few days ago when I was reading about David in the Bible.  I've often thought I was a descendant of David based on overall temperament and other characteristics.  But, after studying what a great warrior he was, I've reconsidered.  After the first battle, I would have told God I was retiring from being a warrior.  Perhaps I would serve as a food supply officer instead.  I'd be good at handing out Twinkies on the battlefield. 

But not David.  

His battles were physical battles, not just stress over finances or a pending home sale.  Over and over again, the Bible sets the stage showing David seeking the Lord before going into battle.  Imagine the stress of approaching enemies with swords, knowing your people's lives were in his hands.  In fact, there seems to be more biblical details around David's prayers with the Lord beforehand than the actual battles themselves.  The battles were over quickly because victory was swift and thorough.

Perhaps the reason for the focus is because David's growth came in the preparation for the battle.  After the preparation had done its job, the breakthrough and ultimately the victory, arrived.  Is it possible the difficult part of facing trials is not the battle itself, but the faith and trust required to face what's ahead?  The growth is in the wait and preparation.

As I have pondered the idea of growth before a breakthrough, I came up with a few things I want to remember for my next trial.  

Obedience In The Wait

Every act of obedience, no matter how small, matters to God.  There are some circumstances in our lives that we have no control over.  I sold my house and moved out because I had an offer.  The offer fell through.  I didn't do anything to cause the circumstances.  The only thing I could control was my behavior through the challenge.  I could rage about it, eat a few bags of Cheetos, and throw a gigantic adult temper tantrum (I seriously considered it).  I could fire my realtor for not seeing it coming.  I could do a lot of things but nothing would change the circumstances.  My house had to go back on the market.  

We get to choose whether we're going to be obedient to God when things don't go our way.  Trials produce stress, no doubt about it.  But, how are we going to behave under the pressure?  Do we act out and hurt those around us?  Or do we seek peace from the One who created us?  Do I allow my natural redhead tendencies to run wild, or will I show constraint? (That's meant to be a rhetorical question, so I don't plan on answering it.)

I wonder what the Bible has to say about this.  

1 Peter 1:14-15  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;

Be holy in all you do.  God gives us a tall order.  I wish I could interpret it in another way, but He does not set the bar low for what obedience looks like.  God is telling us something that is difficult for me to comprehend.  We can align our conduct to God's character instead of our own.  

It isn't easy, but as I'm often reminded, we're not called to do easy things.

We can take heart, though, because obedience is not without reciprocation from God.  As we remain obedient throughout trials, we're going to look back and see God's faithfulness through every step of our journey.   Knowing our obedience is met with His faithfulness gives us confidence in our victory.  It removes fear from our situation and gives us courage to stay obedient, even when the obedient path is the more difficult path.

Soak In The Word

Trials aren't a time to take a break from Bible time and prayer.  In fact, now is the time to double down.  Make it a habit to spend time in God's word every day.  Even just a few verses helps.  Bible study combined with prayer can do powerful things and give us strength to withstand our trials.   Spiritual warfare is real, and any solder in battle needs to show up armed with weapons.

A few weeks ago, I had a night of absolute misery.  My anxiety was ramped up, and I had fear over everything.  I was afraid of a presentation I had to give the next day.  I was afraid of not selling my house.  I had anxiety coursing through my veins, and if I reasoned through one fear, my mind would jump to the next.

Finally, at 2 am, I decided I needed words of scripture to be read over me.  I wasn't calm enough to read to myself.  So, I found a Youtube video that recited various verses from scripture.  The video was over eight hours long, which was perfect.  I could have scripture read over me while I slept.  After about fifteen minutes of listening to Bible verses, I could feel my anxiety begin to calm.  I dozed in and out of sleep for the rest of the night.  I'd wake up with anxiety, but calm down again after listening to scripture being read over me.

The way we use scripture doesn't have to always be the same.  In this case, I used scripture as a shield to protect me through the night.  But, no matter how it is used, scripture is a spiritual weapon.  It dismantles Satan's attempts to discourage you and break you.  

1 Peter 5:8-10. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Prayer time along with scripture readings remind us that God's promises outweigh our problems.  When Satan reminds us of our past, scripture reminds us of our redemption.  When our mind wants to settle on our problems, scripture reminds us of God's solutions.

Watch For The Transformation

God uses trials to transform our character and create fruit in our lives.  Imagine a rancher setting fire to his fields.  He knows he's in control of the fire, but it is necessary to allow the burn because the new growth is more healthy.  The grass will grow back stronger, without weeds. In a similar way, trials allow fruit to flourish in the aftermath.  

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law

As we read through Galatians 5:22-23, it can be easy to quickly skim through such a familiar verse.  Don't we wish we had these characteristics consistently in our lives?  Wouldn't we be better people for it?  

Of course, but let's really think about the fruit of the Spirit and consider the idea that God uses trials to create fruit in our lives.  These are powerful, powerful traits.  The fruit of the Spirit not only change your behavior, they change who you are.  They impact the lives around you.  They turn you into a light that shines in a dark world.  

God's goal isn't to punish us through trials.  Our God would never waste a trial in such a way.  His goal is the fruit at the end of it.  He goal is to change how we see ourselves, our relationships, and how we interact with the world.  

When going through trials, we can declare victory before the battle ends, because we know the end of the story.  Aren't we blessed to have a Savior!

My phone rang in the middle of the workday, and I saw my realtor's name pop up.  I quickly answered since I knew we were going to finalize the sale of my home soon.  God had asked me to simplify my life, and the sale of my home was the final piece of making my life easier.  It is such an exciting time.

Or at least, that's what I thought.

"I have bad news," he said.  "The deal has fallen through."

He proceeded to give me the details around why the buyers were no longer able to move forward with the contract.  We talked for a little while and made plans to put the house back on the market.  I hung up the phone, feeling defeated. 

God, I am trying to follow what you've told me to do.  I have spent weekend after weekend moving stuff out of my house.  And after all of this, the deal falls through?  Really?

But, you know, sometimes when we follow what God wants us to do, the devil throws obstacles in our way.  Just because we decide to follow what God tells us to do doesn't mean it is going to be easy.  We can bet on one thing, though.  God will teach us lessons through it.

I am not excited about putting the house back on the market.  But I know God will guide me through it.  He never wastes a trial.  He will teach me lessons along the way.  

Have you ever felt like you're trying to walk the right path, but there seems to be challenge after challenge?  Paul said to consider our trials sheer joy because that's when we get to see the Lord work. How do we handle disappointment when trying to follow God?

1.  Have an eternal perspective.  In the grand scheme of things, something like struggling to sell my house is small.  I probably won't even remember it a few years from now.  While it is a challenge I'm facing, when I look at it in the light of eternity, it isn't even a significant challenge.    

Even so, sometimes little things can seem big to us.  During difficult times, we must shift our view of our problems from our eyes to God's eyes.  This gives us eternal perspective.  This important shift moves our mind off of our problems to God's promises.  

Look no further than Isaiah 40 to see what God has to say about our challenges:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

We serve a God that is greater than any challenge we face, big or small.  He will strengthen us through our trials.  

2.  Ask ourselves what is God Teaching me through this? The Bible makes one thing clear: trials produce growth.  We should ask ourselves how is He working through this?  How is He growing me through this trial?  

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

God's purpose needs to prevail in our lives, so it seems logical to ask God how this trial aligns with His purpose for our life. Perhaps He is teaching us patience, or perhaps He is aligning us for an important moment He has planned down the road.  Remember, this trial might not be entirely about you.  Your trial could inspire others and encourage them on their journey as well.

These challenges aren't punishment.  Instead, they are doorways to growth and spiritual maturity.   They are opportunities to walk closely with God and move towards His purpose in our lives.  

3.  Use prayer as a weapon.  We can let prayers of praise be our battle cry through our trials.  Even when we don't feel like it, small prayers of gratitude and trust can change our whole perspective.  

Think of David in the Bible.  He'd been told he would be the future king of Israel.  But, things really weren't going his way.  The current king of Israel, Saul, was trying to kill him.  David was on the run, hiding in caves, hanging out with a bunch of men who had chosen to follow him for whatever reason.  But, these men weren't exactly the cream of the crop of society and had issues of their own.  Many were criminals.  Others were exiles.  I would imagine they weren't the greatest of company at times.  

In the lowest point of his life, David used the caves of his exile as a training ground.  In the midst of his pain and loneliness, he led the men around him.  He created an army.  They practiced.  They trained.  His trial was making him stronger, making him into warrior, and getting him ready for battle. 

He wrote:  Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. (Psalm 57:1)

Remember, your trials aren't revenge by God for your sins.  They are opportunities to trust the Lord and take refuge in Him, just like David did.  No trial is wasted, and you will come through this with strengthened faith.  

I have decided that moving is traumatizing.  

This weekend, I faced the storage room in the basement.  I don't know why it was so difficult for me.  Well, actually, I do.  All of my memories are in that storage room.  Photos, souvenirs, and my wedding dress all greet me every time I peek inside.  I have emptied every room in my house, except the storage room.  I've been avoiding it, knowing it was going to be a beast for me.

But, Saturday was the day.  It was time to conquer the beast.  I awoke exhausted, already tired from working a long week.  I knew I had a lot of boxes to move, but because I was avoiding the situation, I didn't reserve a truck.  My Ukrainian friends were going to help, but I knew we couldn't fit everything into their Dodge Ram.

Why didn't I plan better?  I'm always the one with the plan.

I began to stress.  I couldn't see how everything was going to work out.  I didn't want to take the time to actually go through the boxes and sort through everything.  I knew it would take forever.  I knew if I didn't, they wouldn't fit into my friend's truck.  I knew the day was going to be a failure.

So, I did what any other normal person would do.  I cried.  Then, I cried some more.  After a while of crying, I decided I wasn't getting anywhere so I prayed.  God, I should have prepared better.  I didn't reserve a moving truck for today.  How is today possibly going to come together?

God reminded me.  I don't need the right tools to work a miracle.

I remembered earlier in the week a co-worker had offered the use of his van for my move.  It wasn't going to be big enough to fit all of my boxes, but I decided to text him anyway.  It wasn't the right tool, but God said He didn't need for me to figure it out, He just wanted me to follow His lead. 

He didn't respond, but I decided that I was going to get ready for my day early as an act of faith.  I was going to give myself extra time to pick up the van.  So, as my tears continued to fall, I fixed my hair and changed out of my pajamas.  As soon as I was dressed, I heard the familiar text notification sound on my phone.

Yes, of course you can use the van today.  We don't need it back until tomorrow.

I didn't feel entirely relieved, because I knew it wouldn't have enough space to fit my boxes, but I put one foot in front of another.  By now, my kids were starting to wake up and they were ready to help.  I told them about the van.  "Let's go get it, Mom.  Any help is a positive and let's just see what happens."

So, we picked up the van and met up with our Ukrainian friends at the house.   All of us faced the storage room together.  I made quick work of sorting through all of the unboxed items.  We made a pile for keep, and another pile for trash.  Everyone began boxing up the items in the keep pile.

I couldn't believe how quickly it went with the help of my kids and our friends.  What felt like an insurmountable task was done within a couple of hours.   But, I still hadn't worked out how we would move all of the boxes, and there were more than I even anticipated.  

My friend backed his truck up to the back door and we filled the back of his Ram.  "If we pile anymore boxes in the back," he said, "I'm afraid we're going to lose them on the highway."  I agreed.  

All of us turned our attention to the van.  We opened the back doors and began filling it, and much to my amazement, box after box seemed to align perfectly inside the van.  When we were finished, every box remaining to be loaded fit into the van except for a small table.    "Well," I said, "we'll come back and get the table another time."  It wasn't a big deal, and I was so happy everything else fit, that I didn't care much about the table anymore.

"Wait," the Ukrainian Mom said, "let me try."  She rearranged a few boxes in the back of the van, and we were able to slide the table perfectly between the boxes.  We all held our breaths as we closed the door, wondering if it would latch.  We sighed with relief when we heard the door close completely.  If we had one more thing, just one more thing, it wouldn't have worked.  

God doesn't need the perfect tools to work a miracle. The solution God provides is often the one that is available.  The van was available and its owner was willing to allow it to be used.  

Its an interesting lesson.  

Take David, for example.  The future king was a boy tending to his father's livestock in the field.  When asked about his sons, his father didn't even remember to bring him forth as part of the lineage.  He was an afterthought, not a king.  He didn't matter, even to his father, except as a laborer.  

But, God doesn't need the perfect solution.  He needs the willing one.  He needs the available one.  This willing and faithful afterthought would save Israel over and over from attackers.  In fact, the Messiah Himself would come from his lineage.  But, on paper, he wasn't the right fit for the job.

Maybe you sometimes feel you're not the right fit for the job.  Whether it is in your job, your parenting, your relationships or even as a Christian.  Certainly, I've had my moments feeling that way as a divorced single Mom.  I don't have what it takes.  Why on earth would God choose me for this particular assignment?  

But, regardless of how you may feel, or how you may even look on paper, you are loved and cherished by God.  He sees what you bring to His kingdom, not what you lack.  All God asks of us is to take what we have and do the best we have with it.  My friend had a van, which was the wrong fit for what I needed.  But, God did the rest.

We may not have the best skillset, or even be the sharpest tool in the shed.  But, remember, God looks at the heart.  When God saw David, He saw his heart.  Our availability and willingness are what God uses, not our perfection.  The world looks at what we offer on the outside, but God looks at what's inside of us.  

Many years ago, when we were going through the adoption process for our kids, one of the question they asked us was whether we would consider adopting a special needs child.  My response was one of fear.  "We have no experience parenting a normal child, let alone special needs.  We would have no idea how to do it."  I knew that on paper, I was the wrong fit for the job.

At the time, I didn't understand that God didn't need for me to walk into this situation with a set of skills.  He needed me to be open and available, and He would fill in the gap for me.  Most people with special needs children have never parented special needs kids before.  I certainly wouldn't have been the first.

Well, God usually doesn't let me deter His plans (thank goodness).  I ended up adopting not one special needs child, but two, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I was right about one thing, thought.  I didn't know what I was doing when I raised them.  But, God knew exactly what needed to be done, and He led me through it.  He didn't need my perfection to perform His miracle.

It appears I've been learning this lesson for a long time, and I still need reminding.  

God wants to use us where we are, with what we have.  He fills in for all of our shortcomings.  He simply asks us for a willing heart.  In conclusion, I hope you don't walk away missing the moral of this story.

I've moved the last load of stuff out of my house. 

Praise The Lord for getting me through!