The holidays are here.  Are you ready?  

For a family that's been through divorce, holidays can be hard. Days that were once fun and exciting can invoke a sense of dread.  Traditions that were special can feel like duty, trying to get through all of the memories, knowing the day will not feel the same.  

For this reason, I often take trips with my kids around the holidays rather than celebrate at home in a traditional way.  I suppose running from heartbreak probably isn't the answer, but I like to give it a good try.  I'll take a plane, train, or an automobile if it gets me out of holiday heartbreak.

Our holiday trips have become so enjoyable that we prefer them to traditional holidays.  I'm no longer running away from the holidays, now I look forward to them.  Our vacations have become a time of reset for us, a time to focus on God and our relationships.  

I had a recent conversation with a friend who was planning an annual Christmas party at his small business.  He was wondering if he should change the name to Holiday Party instead of Christmas Party so he didn't offend non-Christian guests.  "It doesn't bother me to change the name," he said, "because it is a work party and not about God.  It truly is a holiday party."

It was an interesting comment that made me think.  I wonder how many of our Christmas parties are holiday parties.  For that matter, how many of our traditions are merely holiday traditions?  Do they really celebrate Christ?  That's when I finally understood my avoidance.  I dread holiday parties, not Christmas itself.  In fact, I adore Christmas.

So, as I book my vacation this holiday season, I thought I'd share a few of my reminders to myself for the holiday parties I will be attending (or hosting) this season.   

1.  You don't have to pretend.  No scripture in the Bible rewards human attempts towards perfection, or for that matter, attempts to be like someone else.  In fact, the Bible tells about Jacob who pretended to be his brother Esau to receive a blessing from his father.  He decided to deceive his father because this particular blessing was only handed down to the firstborn son.  Being the second-born son, Jacob decided to deceive his blind father by impersonating Esau.  

The results of pretending to be his brother were life-changing for Jacob.  He was on the run for twenty years and lived in fear of Esau for decades.  But, Jacob didn't understand one very important thing.  God isn't going to bless who you pretend to be.  He will only bless who you really are.  You don't have to pretend, deceive, or impersonate someone else to get a blessing in your life.  God is looking for an honest life to bless, not an imaginary one.

We don't have to pretend everything is perfect and assume God will bless us for pretending.  Sometimes it is easier to hide pain behind imaginary holiday masks, but God sees right through it.  He sees the tears we shed before the big dinners.  He knows what its like to say goodbye to our kids while they spend holidays with both families.  He understands heartbreak, and He loves us through it. We are his daughters, after all, and He is a really good Father.  

This holiday season, you can stop pretending.

2.  Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.  You're called to be an active participant in your life, but not the one who controls everything.  

For the past two years, God has called me to simplify my life.  Over and over, when I seek his guidance on decisions, He reminds me to choose the simpler option.  He wanted me to sell my house and move closer to my job, reducing my commute time.  He wanted me to break free of relationships that were complicated in my life.  These relationships that were harming me and leading me away from Him.  Then, in the midst of my move,  I had the bright idea of going back to school in the evenings.  God warned me this is the opposite of simplifying my life, and I am certainly glad I am not taking evening classes right now.  

One thing is very clear to me.  God wants me to be free.  

Now that I'm understanding the need to simplify big things in my life, I understand He also calls me to simplify my daily life.  Don't take on too much.  Slow down and focus on one thing at a time.  Stop creating to-do lists that are impossible to conquer.  Let others handle tasks for you, instead of needing to control everything.

Not that I would ever need to control everything.

Do you want to hear something amazing?  When I first started down this road of simplification, I thought it was impossible.  Who else was going to do everything that needed to be done if I slowed down?  How would this work?  But, whenever I had days that were overwhelming, God always stepped in.  He would either provide help to me (but I had to accept it), or he would straight-up clear my schedule through miraculous events.  He always provided a way for me to choose a simpler option.

God does not want us lost in the hurry and the busy, living life mentally exhausted.  He wants us to do our tasks well, but He doesn't want us drowning in them.  This means we don't have to take on too much.  Sometimes we need to say no and recognize our limits, and sometimes we need to accept help.  But most importantly, we need to talk to God as we make our way through the day.  He knows the decisions that are best for us.  

3.  Gratitude is the only way to approach the season.  No one receives the peace of God without giving thanks to God.  Did your main course just burn in the oven? (I am asking this hypothetically, of course.) You don't have to be thankful for the burnt food, but you can be thankful in the situation.  Perhaps we didn't get the Christmas bonus we wanted this year.  We can be thankful we have a job that's paying the bills.  Maybe you're like me, and your kids aren't spending Christmas day with you this year.  You can be thankful for the time you do get with them, and grateful they have so many people who want to see them over the holidays. 

Gratitude is not ignoring that life is hard.  It is simply being thankful for the blessings we do have instead of focusing on what we don't have.  It is the decision to fill our emptiness with God's glory and grace.  There's nothing like a fresh perspective to pull us out of a difficult place.

Psalm 100:4 Enter his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise; give thanks to him and praise his name.

God is capable of delivering us from every difficult situation, and He will deliver us.  He is God and beside Him, there is no other.  Speak faith into your situation, and remember you are a loved daughter of the Most High King. 

It is a Saturday afternoon and I've just awaken from a deep sleep.  The type of sleep that makes you wake up disoriented, not sure where you're at.  Sometimes I still wake up and think I'm at my old house.  But, as time goes by, it happens less often.

It is a beautiful Saturday, and the ability to sleep like this is a blessing.  I don't take it lightly.  I've spent years with troubled sleep, so when it happens so beautifully, I am grateful.  I live high off the ground in an apartment building in the city, and I sleep with the window open.  I let the cool breeze flow over me, and listen to the sound of the city as I lie in my bed.

It is still surreal to me.  Our apartment is small, and my son and I both prefer it over our large family home.  It isn't quiet like our country home.  It doesn't have all of the amenities, or a yard, or the peaceful, tranquil setting.  

And yet, I sleep.  Better than I have in years.  

I don't understand it.  I only know God is so good to me.  He's bringing me back from the brink of breakdown, back from decades of burnout, and slowly I am beginning to come back to life.  Things that were once gray are starting to have color, and joy is infused into the smallest tasks that were once overwhelming.  

I lived on the edge of burnout for many years.  I was in a difficult marriage, working a high-stress job, and raising kids who had been traumatized in their first few years of life.  

Then came the divorce.  

By the time divorce came along, I had already been living a life of burnout, like many who have gone through this process.  At the time you desperately need recovery, you find yourself grasping for strength to go through the most challenging event of your life.  It has been nearly five years since I've been separated, and three years since the divorce.  Throughout those five years, I've been clawing myself out of a deep hole, trying to get to promised land, past the pain and self hatred.  

Past the burnout.  

Every year brings progress and a closer walk with God.  Goodness, what a journey.  There were days where I made progress and there were days where I started over at the bottom of the pit again.  There were days where one foot in front of another was all I could do.  I would dread waking up in the mornings because the first hour of the day took me to the depth of my grief for a long time.  The remainder of the day was spent recovering.

But, God doesn't waste pain.  He used mine to remind me where my worth and value truly reside.  If I thought it was in my marriage, it wasn't.  My job didn't define me either.  Neither did my kids, my hobbies, my relationships, or even my own personal opinions and beliefs.

Only the God of the universe defines me.  He says I am His daughter.

When I was in high school, I took a photography class.  This was before digital photography, mind you, so we developed photos in a dark room.  When we took a photo, we didn't know what it looked like for days or perhaps even weeks.  We simply trusted it was a good photo because the original image was beautiful to us.  

In my photography class, I learned to remove film from its protective container.  If the film was exposed to too much light, it was ruined.  So, all film had to be removed in a dark room.  We had a dark room in the back of our photography class, a large closet that our teacher had converted.  The closet was lit with red lights, just bright enough for us to see, and a table was set up with trays containing fluid to develop our photos.

Over the course of the semester, I learned how to develop the photos in the dark.  They took a long time to develop.  At first, only the faintest outline of the images could be seen, but over time, they developed depth and color.  

We hung our developing photos to dry in the dark room, and once they were finished, they were bought into the light.  My favorite part of the process was watching the photos transform during their development. Often times while they were developing, the images would seem distorted.  I couldn't see how they were going to develop into something beautiful.  But, they always did and when they were finally brought into the light, they looked even more beautiful.

Our valleys with God can feel the same way.  We may view our darkness as death, but God views it as development.  We may view our problems as distortion, but God knows the end result is going to develop into something beautiful.  

There's some serious development happening in the dark room after a divorce.  In the dark, you find yourself, and you're reminded Who defines you, instead of whatever title you're wearing at the time.  Rhonda the wife, Rhonda the employee, Rhonda the mother were all different titles that defined me.  But what happens without the title?   

Well, friends, I can tell you.  You end up in the dark room, with a sign that says "Under Development" on the door.  

God can take any of our titles away at any moment.  If we lose one of our titles, we'll feel like we've screwed up and possibly ruined our lives, whether its our fault or not.  But, God is sovereign and in control.  He knew this was coming.  So, He gave us a title we can't lose.  

Daughter of the High King.  

He gave us a title that gives us eternal worth and value.  He gave us a title that is the same, yesterday, today and forever.  His titles last for eternity. 

Have I told you that I was bit by a spider recently?

I didn't see it happen, but I certainly noticed the results of the bite.  My skin turned dark purple around my ankle and my foot swelled up.  The skin around the bite started to slough off.  My son took a picture of it and googled spider bites, as he urged me to seek medical attention for my "oozing monstrosity".

I did what any other normal person would do.  I ignored my son's morbid research.  I had a busy week at work ahead and didn't have time to see a doctor.  I slapped a few band-aids over the "monstrosity" and went about my business. It looked terrible, yes, but it was fairly painless and every day the swelling seemed to be getting a little better.

I did have one symptom that bothered me, though.  I had an upset stomach.  I asked God to please help me (even though I wouldn't help myself by going to the doctor) and I felt his clear guidance to go to the pharmacy and get some medicine for my stomach. 

As I arrived at the pharmacy,  I considered which medication I should buy.  Pepto was the typical choice, so I did what any normal person would do and I purchased Milk of Magnesia.  It was basically the same as Pepto Bismol except I liked the color of  Milk of Magnesia.  I thought it would help more with my stomach ache.  White minty medicine was certainly going to be more soothing than pink, and I'm sure many others have thought the same thing.

Some of you who know what Milk of Magnesia is have probably already figured out the punchline of this story.  Well, good for you, but unfortunately for me at this point in my life I had no idea that Milk of Magnesia was a laxative.  Apparently, I also did not read labels.  I can assure you that now I do.  

But, back to my story.

I purchased my minty white medicine, went home and took a large dose.  No need to delay, because the Lord himself had guided me to the pharmacy.  I was sure I felt better immediately.  I made dinner, watched something on Netflix and went to sleep.

The next morning, I was a little surprised by a few things that happened in the bathroom.  My stomach still didn't feel great, so I took some more Milk of Magnesia and went to work.  It was a bit of a rough day at work, and I spent a lot of time in the bathroom again.  By the time I got home, I still wasn't feeling great so I took some more Milk of Magnesia.

I fear all of you will question my intelligence when I tell you this, but this went on for a week.  I drank nearly an entire bottle of Milk of Magnesia over the next five days and I continued to spend more and more time in the bathroom, wondering if this is just how my life was going to be from now on.  It was one heck of a week, and by the end of it, I was also considering taking allergy medication because if I sneezed at work, I feared the results.

Finally, I decided it was time to text my Mom about it, because Moms always know what to do in situations such as these.  

Me:  You wouldn't believe the week I've had.  This spider bite is something else.  I've been in the bathroom all week!  

Mom:  What are you taking for it?

Me:  Milk of Magnesia.  I got it at the pharmacy last weekend.

Mom: (Long Pause)  Why would you take Milk of Magnesia?  Do you know it is a laxative?

Me: No, its like Pepto.  It soothes your stomach.

Mom:  Its a laxative.

Me:  No, its like Pepto.

Mom:  Go look at the label.

Me:  (after looking at the label)  ITS A LAXATIVE

Mom:  Why did you buy Milk of Magnesia?

Me:  Why did you never teach me Milk of Magnesia is a laxative?  

Mom:  Can you read??? 

I quit texting and marched upstairs to her apartment.  "How did you know Milk of Magnesia was a laxative?" I asked.  "Well I can READ, daughter," my mother replied.  

She was sitting in her recliner, laughing, with her phone in her lap.  "I only wish your grandmother was alive to hear this story," she said as she wiped her eyes with a tissue.  She was right, Grandma would have really laughed about me telling her about my ferocious spider bite that landed me in the bathroom for a week.

"I really thought this was a spider bite straight out of hell," I told her.  "I guess on the bright side, I've lost four pounds this week".  She started laughing all over again, and if nothing else, I was able to provide some entertainment for my sweet mother.  

After my week in the bathroom, I was pretty relieved to find out the cause.  Embarrassed, but relieved.

I've been trying to come up with some spiritual lessons in this story.  I couldn't find any, so I tried to find three lessons in this story that perhaps are not spiritual.  I actually came up with five:  

1.  When confronted with an unknown medical issue, call your Mom sooner rather than later.  Moms know a lot of things and apparently they can also read.

2.  Milk of Magnesia is a laxative.

3.  Milk of Magnesia is a laxative.

4.  Even when God leads you to a pharmacy, you should still read the labels.

5.  Milk of Magnesia is a laxative.

If you're wondering how the story ends, my spider bite is healing.  I still have not seen a doctor.  I realized that my stomachache is likely antacid and has nothing to do with my spider bite (yes, my Mom figured that one out, too).   I now take Prilosec for the antacid and I have unfortunately gained my four pounds back now that I am no longer in the bathroom constantly.

Sometimes life is so complicated.

My phone rang as I was packing to leave my office.  It was the end of the day and I was surprised to see my realtor's name light up the screen.  I immediately assumed there was a problem with my house.  Since the original offer fell through, I braced myself for months of being on the market, and an empty house has random maintenance issues that seem to pop up.  

I picked up the phone.

"I just received an offer on your house.  I sent it over, check your e-mail."

Once again, I was completely surprised.  Last week, the surprise wasn't good news.  But, just as I'd made peace with bad news, a blessing appeared.  Ironic that it arrived the same way the bad news did a week ago.

"Its a clean offer," he continued.  "Nothing fussy.  Buyer wants to close in 30 days."

I scanned the document.  Sure enough, the offer was clean.  There were even inspections waived, which was a nice gesture.  If the offer was legitimate, it would be the easiest home sale I'd ever participated in.

Isn't it interesting that during the most challenging part of our trials, there's often a breakthrough? I was stressed and worried over how I would have time to maintain the empty house and afford two places.  After many sleepless nights, I made peace with circumstances beyond my control.  I budgeted down to my last dollar to make things work while the housing market changed.  I prayed for help with any shortfalls.

But, God already knew my house was going to sell soon.

Pressure tends to increase right before a break.  Or in this case, a breakthrough.  I noticed the same pattern a few days ago when I was reading about David in the Bible.  I've often thought I was a descendant of David based on overall temperament and other characteristics.  But, after studying what a great warrior he was, I've reconsidered.  After the first battle, I would have told God I was retiring from being a warrior.  Perhaps I would serve as a food supply officer instead.  I'd be good at handing out Twinkies on the battlefield. 

But not David.  

His battles were physical battles, not just stress over finances or a pending home sale.  Over and over again, the Bible sets the stage showing David seeking the Lord before going into battle.  Imagine the stress of approaching enemies with swords, knowing your people's lives were in his hands.  In fact, there seems to be more biblical details around David's prayers with the Lord beforehand than the actual battles themselves.  The battles were over quickly because victory was swift and thorough.

Perhaps the reason for the focus is because David's growth came in the preparation for the battle.  After the preparation had done its job, the breakthrough and ultimately the victory, arrived.  Is it possible the difficult part of facing trials is not the battle itself, but the faith and trust required to face what's ahead?  The growth is in the wait and preparation.

As I have pondered the idea of growth before a breakthrough, I came up with a few things I want to remember for my next trial.  

Obedience In The Wait

Every act of obedience, no matter how small, matters to God.  There are some circumstances in our lives that we have no control over.  I sold my house and moved out because I had an offer.  The offer fell through.  I didn't do anything to cause the circumstances.  The only thing I could control was my behavior through the challenge.  I could rage about it, eat a few bags of Cheetos, and throw a gigantic adult temper tantrum (I seriously considered it).  I could fire my realtor for not seeing it coming.  I could do a lot of things but nothing would change the circumstances.  My house had to go back on the market.  

We get to choose whether we're going to be obedient to God when things don't go our way.  Trials produce stress, no doubt about it.  But, how are we going to behave under the pressure?  Do we act out and hurt those around us?  Or do we seek peace from the One who created us?  Do I allow my natural redhead tendencies to run wild, or will I show constraint? (That's meant to be a rhetorical question, so I don't plan on answering it.)

I wonder what the Bible has to say about this.  

1 Peter 1:14-15  As obedient children, do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance. But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do;

Be holy in all you do.  God gives us a tall order.  I wish I could interpret it in another way, but He does not set the bar low for what obedience looks like.  God is telling us something that is difficult for me to comprehend.  We can align our conduct to God's character instead of our own.  

It isn't easy, but as I'm often reminded, we're not called to do easy things.

We can take heart, though, because obedience is not without reciprocation from God.  As we remain obedient throughout trials, we're going to look back and see God's faithfulness through every step of our journey.   Knowing our obedience is met with His faithfulness gives us confidence in our victory.  It removes fear from our situation and gives us courage to stay obedient, even when the obedient path is the more difficult path.

Soak In The Word

Trials aren't a time to take a break from Bible time and prayer.  In fact, now is the time to double down.  Make it a habit to spend time in God's word every day.  Even just a few verses helps.  Bible study combined with prayer can do powerful things and give us strength to withstand our trials.   Spiritual warfare is real, and any solder in battle needs to show up armed with weapons.

A few weeks ago, I had a night of absolute misery.  My anxiety was ramped up, and I had fear over everything.  I was afraid of a presentation I had to give the next day.  I was afraid of not selling my house.  I had anxiety coursing through my veins, and if I reasoned through one fear, my mind would jump to the next.

Finally, at 2 am, I decided I needed words of scripture to be read over me.  I wasn't calm enough to read to myself.  So, I found a Youtube video that recited various verses from scripture.  The video was over eight hours long, which was perfect.  I could have scripture read over me while I slept.  After about fifteen minutes of listening to Bible verses, I could feel my anxiety begin to calm.  I dozed in and out of sleep for the rest of the night.  I'd wake up with anxiety, but calm down again after listening to scripture being read over me.

The way we use scripture doesn't have to always be the same.  In this case, I used scripture as a shield to protect me through the night.  But, no matter how it is used, scripture is a spiritual weapon.  It dismantles Satan's attempts to discourage you and break you.  

1 Peter 5:8-10. Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.

Prayer time along with scripture readings remind us that God's promises outweigh our problems.  When Satan reminds us of our past, scripture reminds us of our redemption.  When our mind wants to settle on our problems, scripture reminds us of God's solutions.

Watch For The Transformation

God uses trials to transform our character and create fruit in our lives.  Imagine a rancher setting fire to his fields.  He knows he's in control of the fire, but it is necessary to allow the burn because the new growth is more healthy.  The grass will grow back stronger, without weeds. In a similar way, trials allow fruit to flourish in the aftermath.  

Galatians 5:22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law

As we read through Galatians 5:22-23, it can be easy to quickly skim through such a familiar verse.  Don't we wish we had these characteristics consistently in our lives?  Wouldn't we be better people for it?  

Of course, but let's really think about the fruit of the Spirit and consider the idea that God uses trials to create fruit in our lives.  These are powerful, powerful traits.  The fruit of the Spirit not only change your behavior, they change who you are.  They impact the lives around you.  They turn you into a light that shines in a dark world.  

God's goal isn't to punish us through trials.  Our God would never waste a trial in such a way.  His goal is the fruit at the end of it.  He goal is to change how we see ourselves, our relationships, and how we interact with the world.  

When going through trials, we can declare victory before the battle ends, because we know the end of the story.  Aren't we blessed to have a Savior!

My phone rang in the middle of the workday, and I saw my realtor's name pop up.  I quickly answered since I knew we were going to finalize the sale of my home soon.  God had asked me to simplify my life, and the sale of my home was the final piece of making my life easier.  It is such an exciting time.

Or at least, that's what I thought.

"I have bad news," he said.  "The deal has fallen through."

He proceeded to give me the details around why the buyers were no longer able to move forward with the contract.  We talked for a little while and made plans to put the house back on the market.  I hung up the phone, feeling defeated. 

God, I am trying to follow what you've told me to do.  I have spent weekend after weekend moving stuff out of my house.  And after all of this, the deal falls through?  Really?

But, you know, sometimes when we follow what God wants us to do, the devil throws obstacles in our way.  Just because we decide to follow what God tells us to do doesn't mean it is going to be easy.  We can bet on one thing, though.  God will teach us lessons through it.

I am not excited about putting the house back on the market.  But I know God will guide me through it.  He never wastes a trial.  He will teach me lessons along the way.  

Have you ever felt like you're trying to walk the right path, but there seems to be challenge after challenge?  Paul said to consider our trials sheer joy because that's when we get to see the Lord work. How do we handle disappointment when trying to follow God?

1.  Have an eternal perspective.  In the grand scheme of things, something like struggling to sell my house is small.  I probably won't even remember it a few years from now.  While it is a challenge I'm facing, when I look at it in the light of eternity, it isn't even a significant challenge.    

Even so, sometimes little things can seem big to us.  During difficult times, we must shift our view of our problems from our eyes to God's eyes.  This gives us eternal perspective.  This important shift moves our mind off of our problems to God's promises.  

Look no further than Isaiah 40 to see what God has to say about our challenges:

Do you not know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

We serve a God that is greater than any challenge we face, big or small.  He will strengthen us through our trials.  

2.  Ask ourselves what is God Teaching me through this? The Bible makes one thing clear: trials produce growth.  We should ask ourselves how is He working through this?  How is He growing me through this trial?  

Proverbs 19:21 Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.

God's purpose needs to prevail in our lives, so it seems logical to ask God how this trial aligns with His purpose for our life. Perhaps He is teaching us patience, or perhaps He is aligning us for an important moment He has planned down the road.  Remember, this trial might not be entirely about you.  Your trial could inspire others and encourage them on their journey as well.

These challenges aren't punishment.  Instead, they are doorways to growth and spiritual maturity.   They are opportunities to walk closely with God and move towards His purpose in our lives.  

3.  Use prayer as a weapon.  We can let prayers of praise be our battle cry through our trials.  Even when we don't feel like it, small prayers of gratitude and trust can change our whole perspective.  

Think of David in the Bible.  He'd been told he would be the future king of Israel.  But, things really weren't going his way.  The current king of Israel, Saul, was trying to kill him.  David was on the run, hiding in caves, hanging out with a bunch of men who had chosen to follow him for whatever reason.  But, these men weren't exactly the cream of the crop of society and had issues of their own.  Many were criminals.  Others were exiles.  I would imagine they weren't the greatest of company at times.  

In the lowest point of his life, David used the caves of his exile as a training ground.  In the midst of his pain and loneliness, he led the men around him.  He created an army.  They practiced.  They trained.  His trial was making him stronger, making him into warrior, and getting him ready for battle. 

He wrote:  Have mercy on me, my God, have mercy on me, for in you I take refuge.  I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. (Psalm 57:1)

Remember, your trials aren't revenge by God for your sins.  They are opportunities to trust the Lord and take refuge in Him, just like David did.  No trial is wasted, and you will come through this with strengthened faith.  

I have decided that moving is traumatizing.  

This weekend, I faced the storage room in the basement.  I don't know why it was so difficult for me.  Well, actually, I do.  All of my memories are in that storage room.  Photos, souvenirs, and my wedding dress all greet me every time I peek inside.  I have emptied every room in my house, except the storage room.  I've been avoiding it, knowing it was going to be a beast for me.

But, Saturday was the day.  It was time to conquer the beast.  I awoke exhausted, already tired from working a long week.  I knew I had a lot of boxes to move, but because I was avoiding the situation, I didn't reserve a truck.  My Ukrainian friends were going to help, but I knew we couldn't fit everything into their Dodge Ram.

Why didn't I plan better?  I'm always the one with the plan.

I began to stress.  I couldn't see how everything was going to work out.  I didn't want to take the time to actually go through the boxes and sort through everything.  I knew it would take forever.  I knew if I didn't, they wouldn't fit into my friend's truck.  I knew the day was going to be a failure.

So, I did what any other normal person would do.  I cried.  Then, I cried some more.  After a while of crying, I decided I wasn't getting anywhere so I prayed.  God, I should have prepared better.  I didn't reserve a moving truck for today.  How is today possibly going to come together?

God reminded me.  I don't need the right tools to work a miracle.

I remembered earlier in the week a co-worker had offered the use of his van for my move.  It wasn't going to be big enough to fit all of my boxes, but I decided to text him anyway.  It wasn't the right tool, but God said He didn't need for me to figure it out, He just wanted me to follow His lead. 

He didn't respond, but I decided that I was going to get ready for my day early as an act of faith.  I was going to give myself extra time to pick up the van.  So, as my tears continued to fall, I fixed my hair and changed out of my pajamas.  As soon as I was dressed, I heard the familiar text notification sound on my phone.

Yes, of course you can use the van today.  We don't need it back until tomorrow.

I didn't feel entirely relieved, because I knew it wouldn't have enough space to fit my boxes, but I put one foot in front of another.  By now, my kids were starting to wake up and they were ready to help.  I told them about the van.  "Let's go get it, Mom.  Any help is a positive and let's just see what happens."

So, we picked up the van and met up with our Ukrainian friends at the house.   All of us faced the storage room together.  I made quick work of sorting through all of the unboxed items.  We made a pile for keep, and another pile for trash.  Everyone began boxing up the items in the keep pile.

I couldn't believe how quickly it went with the help of my kids and our friends.  What felt like an insurmountable task was done within a couple of hours.   But, I still hadn't worked out how we would move all of the boxes, and there were more than I even anticipated.  

My friend backed his truck up to the back door and we filled the back of his Ram.  "If we pile anymore boxes in the back," he said, "I'm afraid we're going to lose them on the highway."  I agreed.  

All of us turned our attention to the van.  We opened the back doors and began filling it, and much to my amazement, box after box seemed to align perfectly inside the van.  When we were finished, every box remaining to be loaded fit into the van except for a small table.    "Well," I said, "we'll come back and get the table another time."  It wasn't a big deal, and I was so happy everything else fit, that I didn't care much about the table anymore.

"Wait," the Ukrainian Mom said, "let me try."  She rearranged a few boxes in the back of the van, and we were able to slide the table perfectly between the boxes.  We all held our breaths as we closed the door, wondering if it would latch.  We sighed with relief when we heard the door close completely.  If we had one more thing, just one more thing, it wouldn't have worked.  

God doesn't need the perfect tools to work a miracle. The solution God provides is often the one that is available.  The van was available and its owner was willing to allow it to be used.  

Its an interesting lesson.  

Take David, for example.  The future king was a boy tending to his father's livestock in the field.  When asked about his sons, his father didn't even remember to bring him forth as part of the lineage.  He was an afterthought, not a king.  He didn't matter, even to his father, except as a laborer.  

But, God doesn't need the perfect solution.  He needs the willing one.  He needs the available one.  This willing and faithful afterthought would save Israel over and over from attackers.  In fact, the Messiah Himself would come from his lineage.  But, on paper, he wasn't the right fit for the job.

Maybe you sometimes feel you're not the right fit for the job.  Whether it is in your job, your parenting, your relationships or even as a Christian.  Certainly, I've had my moments feeling that way as a divorced single Mom.  I don't have what it takes.  Why on earth would God choose me for this particular assignment?  

But, regardless of how you may feel, or how you may even look on paper, you are loved and cherished by God.  He sees what you bring to His kingdom, not what you lack.  All God asks of us is to take what we have and do the best we have with it.  My friend had a van, which was the wrong fit for what I needed.  But, God did the rest.

We may not have the best skillset, or even be the sharpest tool in the shed.  But, remember, God looks at the heart.  When God saw David, He saw his heart.  Our availability and willingness are what God uses, not our perfection.  The world looks at what we offer on the outside, but God looks at what's inside of us.  

Many years ago, when we were going through the adoption process for our kids, one of the question they asked us was whether we would consider adopting a special needs child.  My response was one of fear.  "We have no experience parenting a normal child, let alone special needs.  We would have no idea how to do it."  I knew that on paper, I was the wrong fit for the job.

At the time, I didn't understand that God didn't need for me to walk into this situation with a set of skills.  He needed me to be open and available, and He would fill in the gap for me.  Most people with special needs children have never parented special needs kids before.  I certainly wouldn't have been the first.

Well, God usually doesn't let me deter His plans (thank goodness).  I ended up adopting not one special needs child, but two, and I wouldn't have had it any other way.  I was right about one thing, thought.  I didn't know what I was doing when I raised them.  But, God knew exactly what needed to be done, and He led me through it.  He didn't need my perfection to perform His miracle.

It appears I've been learning this lesson for a long time, and I still need reminding.  

God wants to use us where we are, with what we have.  He fills in for all of our shortcomings.  He simply asks us for a willing heart.  In conclusion, I hope you don't walk away missing the moral of this story.

I've moved the last load of stuff out of my house. 

Praise The Lord for getting me through!  

I spent this weekend moving furniture out of my old house.  If you're thinking to yourself, it seems like she's been moving forever, you would be right.  You may also be thinking I am tired of hearing about this move.  Well, there's no reprieve, my friends.  If I must suffer, so must you.  

Leaving a five bedroom home on acreage and moving into a two bedroom apartment is quite the process.  It seems like no matter how much stuff I get rid of, there's still more stuff.  Every time I turn my back, it multiplies.  I'm two weeks away from being fully transitioned to apartment life.  My house is sold, and most of my belongings are moved out.  

But, can I tell you the funniest story?  My daughter has moved into the same apartment building as I live in, and she lives a floor below me.  In addition, my mother decided to sell her home.  Can you guess where she's moved?

She's literally in the apartment above me.  I can actually hear her when she gets up in the middle of the night to use the restroom (although she doesn't know that, and I don't plan to tell her).  

I spent time grieving the loss of my home, because it was a place for my kids and I to be together.  It was also near my mother.  I had no idea Mom would sell her house.  I am now physically closer to all of them here in my little apartment.  I like to tell people my living situation is a cross between Seinfeld and Everybody Loves Raymond.  I have family coming through the front door more often now than when I lived in the country.   But, I love every minute of it.  

This scenario was unimaginable two years ago.  God's plans are so creative, and I would have never imagined he has a plan to bring me closer to my family instead of further away by selling my home.  All I knew was He kept telling me to simplify my life.  

It still feels so surreal.

But, wait.  There's more.  Guess who bought my mother's house?  The Ukrainian refugee family that I am sponsoring.  Now, they have a beautiful home to raise their kids.  My mother is in a place that is better for her.  I am free from the obligations of overseeing a small farm.  It feels like a gigantic domino of miracles.  

In the gospels of the Bible, we read about Jesus' first miracle.  He was at a wedding, and the bride and groom ran out of wine for the guests.  In the culture of the time, running out of wine was considered embarrassing. Rather than seeing the bride and groom humiliated, Jesus' mother Mary prodded Him into His first miracle.  But, before Jesus performed the miracle, Mary gave instructions to the servants.  

Do what he tells you to do.

The servants did exactly as Jesus told them, and once all tasks were complete, the miracle was indeed performed.  Water turned into wine and the guests were astonished the bride and groom saved the best wine for the end of the party.  Yes, the same wine that was water a few minutes prior.

Consider the servants in this account.  Mary had faith because she knew what Jesus could do.  But, the servants were obedient and had no idea they were going to see a miracle.  They were filling cisterns with water, thinking to themselves, What we need is wine, why are we filling cisterns with water?  We need a Wal-Mart delivery, or perhaps an Insta-cart ASAP.  These instructions don't align with what we're needing.  

Sometimes in life, we have no idea what God is going to do.  We simply have to do what God tells us to do, and then the miracle follows.  Looking back, I can see multiple circumstances where this played out in my own life.

God asked me to host Ukrainian refugees.  It wasn't convenient.  I was newly divorced (I actually signed divorce papers after the family arrived), inviting a family of four into our home.  I was working long hours.  We had a language barrier.  There were so many unanswered questions. Where would their kids go to school?  What if they were mass murderers?  What if they committed a crime here, and I was held responsible?  What if we genuinely don't like each other?  What if, what if, what if?

After waiting at the airport for three hours for them to clear customs, I threw my arms around a very exhausted family of four.  From then on, we've been in separable.  In the worst pain after my divorce, a family came along who was an integral part of my personal healing.  I had no idea my personal healing would be part of God's miracle.  I was just doing what He told me to do.

A few nights ago, I was removing a mirror from a dresser this week before the movers arrived.  Most of the stuff is out of my house, so I didn't have many tools to help me with this particular task.  I sighed with disappointment when I saw the mirror was attached to the dresser with screws that required an Allen wrench.

I looked through the tools in my toolbox, and I found two Allen wrenches, but neither of them fit.  I was tired, frustrated, and I desperately wanted to go to sleep.  It was late at night and this was my final task to prepare for the movers.

But, I could not find the right tools.  

As I looked though my empty cabinets one more time, I prayed a prayer.  God, I know this is a little thing, but can you please help me find an Allen wrench?  I began to look under my sink and as I looked, I felt the Holy Spirit prompting me to look further.  In the back corner, under my sink, was a Ziploc baggie with some tools in it.  One of them was a flat screwdriver. 

It was exciting to find tools, but still, these weren't the right ones.  Try it, God said, and see how much I love you.

I decided to do what God told me to do, even though it made no sense.  I went to the bedroom and tried using the flat screwdriver.  Much to my amazement, it fit perfectly into the square and it began to turn the screws.  I was so excited and I praised God, thanking Him for his amazing miracles and hidden flat screwdrivers under my sink!  

Then, I got to the fourth screw.

It was stripped and nothing I did would remove the screw.  As I continued to sweat and agonize over the screw, I saw a shadow begin to come across me as a piece of wood holding the mirror in place gave way under the weight.  The mirror was unable to completely fall to the floor since one screw was holding it in place, but a small piece of wood integral to the functionality of the entire dresser had broken.  It could be fixed, but still, it was annoying and I had narrowly missed having the entire mirror come crashing down on my head.

Even after all my near-death experience, I still had to remove the screw to finish the job.

I was down.  I was discouraged.  I hated Allen wrenches.  I cursed myself for my love of cheap furniture that was made with cheap screws.

I googled how to remove a stripped screw.  One popular response said to put a rubber band between the screwdriver and the screw.  Well, this was yet another miracle because I had just cleaned out the junk drawer in the kitchen.  I praised God for His goodness and couldn't believe my luck, knowing I had just thrown a few rubber bands into the trash. 

There was only one small problem.  I had thrown a lot of other trash on top of the rubber bands, including an old razor with sharp edges.  So, I meticulously waded through my trash, hoping I wouldn't slice my finger off, and wouldn't you know it!  I found not one rubber band, but two!  And somehow I bypassed the razor.

I was excited.  I praised God again.

Immediately I went back to work on the pesky screw, knowing God was going to work yet another miracle.  I must have worked twenty minutes until I poked holes in both rubber bands and they fell apart.  No amount of sweat was going to work with this cheap screw and these flimsy rubber bands.

I was down.  I was dejected.  I hated rubber bands that were cheap.  I cursed myself for my love of cheap rubber bands.

I googled how to remove a stripped screw when rubber bands fail.  The next idea was to take your screwdriver and hammer it into the screw to create its own groove.  I decided to try it.  I didn't have a hammer but I found a pair of old, rusty heavy pliers.  I told myself it was basically the same thing.  I took the first swing with the large pliers against the small screwdriver.  I missed and hit my hand.

I believe it was at this point that I almost lost it.  But I heard God whisper to me Don't give up, I am going to see this through.  I wasn't in the greatest of moods, so I won't share my response.  But, I kept hammering with my pliers-turned-hammer and much to my amazement, when I turned the screwdriver, the screw began to turn.

It was working!  I hammered some more, and I turned the screw again. And again.  Eventually, the fourth screw came out and I was able to remove the entire mirror.  I laid face up on the carpet, stared at the ceiling and thanked God for getting me through this very trying ordeal.  I felt that perhaps it could have gone more smoothly without the mirror nearly taking my head off, but I didn't want to complain.

The next morning, before the movers arrived, I was cleaning out a nightstand next to my bed.  There, towards the back of the drawer was an Allen wrench.  Just for kicks, I decided to see if it fit the mirror.

It did.

God, I prayed, why didn't you tell me the Allen wrench was in the nightstand?  It would have been so much easier if you had, I don't know, TOLD ME IT WAS THERE ALL ALONG.

God quickly responded. My child, I don't need the right tools to perform a miracle.  

Then I remembered the fourth screw.  Only a flathead would have worked to remove it. God really is amazing.  I would have never gotten the mirror removed with the right tool.  I apologized for doubting Him and for, you know, being snippy.      

I knew God had a bigger point with me than how to remove a stripped screw.  Immediately, my mind went to all of the different people in scripture God used to perform miracles.  None of them were the perfect fit for the job.  Moses?  He was a terrible public speaker.  David?  Well, he was a hot mess for years before he got back on track.  Peter?  He cut off a soldier's ear and then denied knowing Jesus.  Their roads weren't easy and their decisions weren't perfect.  They were the flathead screwdrivers and the pliers-turned-hammer.  But, in the end, they were victorious because they did what God told them to do, even when it didn't make sense. 

They were the wrong choices on paper, but the right choices for the situation because of their obedience.  

I'm sure the soldiers questioned the method when they marched around the walls of Jericho seven times.  But, when the horns blew and the people shouted, the miracle happened and the walls came tumbling down.  Most people would use a different tool besides a horn to bring down a wall.  But, not our amazing God.

Your miracle might be right around the corner, but it may not look the way you think it should look.  It won't go the way you think it should go.  You may not have the right tools.  I am here to tell you, it doesn't matter.  God will make it happen in a way you don't anticipate.  You don't always know the problems that lie ahead, so that's why our only job is to simply do what He tells us to do.  He will take it from there.  

He loves us so much.

Downsizing from a house to an apartment is challenging.  I am still adjusting to my downsized life and I have thrown away so many things.  My kitchen is smaller.  My closet is smaller.  I am still working my way through this move, trying to get everything to fit in my new place.  I brought several boxes from my old kitchen into my apartment, and I went through cake pans that I'd collected over the years.  Many of them I haven't touched in possibly a decade!  As I went through them, I filled two trash cans full of cake pans and other kitchen supplies that I can't use anymore (nor do I have room for).  Some of them were actually rusty, and not even fit for donation.

It was time to throw them away.

I went through a similar exercise with my clothes.  I have some old clothes that I haven't gotten rid of for whatever reason.  They may have holes in them, or possibly even stained.  But, holding onto things like this is no longer possible in this little apartment.  So, I did what I needed to do.

I threw them away.

God has led my heart to accept it, though, and I actually welcome it now.  A simpler life frees me up for so many more things, and while I'm still in transition, I am enjoying life with fewer things.  Life is easier when you throw away things that no longer serve your purpose.

Perhaps that's what makes God so amazing.  I'm making my way through Judges in the Bible.  As I read some of the stories, I ask myself, God why would you ever want to save us?  We stopped serving your purpose a long time ago.  Humanity is so cruel, and so depraved.  Its been that way since Biblical times.

God could have looked at the earth and the humans He created, and decided to start over.  Time to throw it all away and start anew.  He has the power to do it, yet He doesn't.  Instead He sacrifices his only Son to save it.  I watch the news today full of anger and hate, and simultaneously I'm reading the old testament, full of depravity, and know I wouldn't have made the same call.  I think I'd have tossed the entire creation into the trash bin.  Chalk it up as a failure, and move on.

Its a good thing I'm not God.  He has a different view. 

Joel 2:25-26 I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the hopper, the destroyer, and the cutter, my great army, which I sent among you. “You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you. And my people shall never again be put to shame.

It turns out God likes words that start with "re".  God's entire plan for humanity and creation is to restore, redeem, and resurrect it.  We will have the opportunity to live the life we were meant to live all along, in the presence of the One who created us.  

Restore:  I go through various stages of obsessive hobbies.  For a while, I was obsessed with restoring furniture.  I would look for old furniture, sometimes antiques, and I would study how to restore it back to its original condition.  Sometimes I would find my treasures being discarded on the side of the street, or given away at garage sales.  I liked stripping off years of dried, crusty paint to reveal a beautiful piece of wood furniture underneath.  Then I would sand away all of the scratches in the wood.  

Restoration simply meant fixing everything that was broken and removing the years of dirt, paint, and damage to reveal what was truly underneath.  I tried to imagine creating the original piece of furniture years ago, and the beauty of it when it was brand new.  I always wanted to bring it back to the original beauty.

God says he will restore us.  All of the damage done by living in a broken world will someday be removed.  God doesn't say He will recreate us or start all over.  He will restore what's already there, buried under years of pain, rejection, heartache, and suffering.  

1 Peter 5:10 And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen and establish you.

God doesn't give up on his creation.  His story is one of preserving his creation.  Protecting his creation.  Restoring his creation.

After years of traumatic events, including my divorce, I found myself lost.  I was so buried underneath the pain and rejection of it all.  I was angry all of the time (still gets the best of me sometimes), and I had become someone I didn't like anymore.  I was like a wounded animal, lashing out at anyone who was brave enough to try to get close to me.  

I needed God to restore me.  I didn't know what happened, but I had morphed so far away from what I wanted to be, and what He created me to be.  I'm sure I'm still a long ways from my original design, but the realization that I didn't have to ask God to make me into a new person was a big deal to me.  I just needed God to take me back to who I truly was, because that was valuable enough for God to fashion with His own hands.  My personality, my kindness and caring, and even my sense of humor were part of my original design.  I wasn't a bad person.  I had simply lost it buried under years of dirt.  I needed my Savior to restore me.  I still need it.  Every day of my life.

I wonder about heaven.  It must feel so incredible to be completely restored once and for all.  

Redeem:  The definition of redeem is to "gain or regain possession of (something) in exchange for payment".  I can certainly understand the joy of restoration.  It is work, but it is also rewarding to take something back to its original purpose.  But, to pay a large price for something that is worn, damaged, and in desperate need of repair?  I go back to my original question while reading through Judges.  

Why, when you can just make another?

After all of the mocking and the betrayal by humankind, why on earth would God want to redeem us?  There is only one answer for something that seems so senseless.  

Love.  Radical love that remains regardless of our betrayals.  Love that never stops seeking us.  Love that defies logic and is so pure in its design that we struggle to believe it.  Nothing could be so good, at least not based on our experience.  Yet, it is the only possible explanation for such a decision.  

Psalm 111:9 He sent redemption to his people; he has commanded his covenant forever. Holy and awesome is his name!

Why would God want to not only restore me, but pay a high price for me?  I'm buried in years of paint and dirt, and I am often so broken I cannot even fulfill my original purpose.  If I was a table, I would probably be missing a leg and the other three would be questionable.  Yet, He would give his very Son as a price, who is perfect?

I am not sure, on this side of heaven, that we can fully understand the amount of love it would take to put such a sequence of events in place.  But, I am going to spend my life trying.  Its a worthy pursuit, because when someone as powerful as the Creator of the universe sees value in you, a strange thing happens.  You start to see value in yourself.  Love like this is life-changing.  

Redemption changes everything.  It was part of His plan all along.

Resurrect:      

Not only does God's story include restoration and redemption, but His plans also include living with us for eternity.  After our earthly death, God will breathe new life into us.  We will get to live restored, redeemed, and resurrected. 

He will restore not only us, but all of creation back to its original intention.  I like to let my imagination run wild in this area.  What will life be like with animals?  What was our interaction with them meant to be like?  Will there be spiders?  Will bugs be colorful on a resurrected earth?  Will there be new sounds, new colors, that we've never experienced?

What will life feel like when each day is spent doing work I was designed to do?  What will live be like without anxiety, depression, and sadness?  Can you even imagine it!  

The most exciting part of all of this is that each and every day, we will get to be in the presence of the One who created us.  Every day we will know the love of God firsthand.  We will be completely healed by His love, and our minds will be absolutely peaceful.  

There are times I just long for it.  When the days get long and my stress is out of control, I can't help but look forward to the grand finale of God's plan for my life.  Yes, I'm excited for heaven, but I'm most excited for Him.  To be able to finally be with the One who designed me, with all of my individual traits.  He is full of love, and the day will come that we get to be with Him for all of eternity.

What an incredible plan for humanity.

He spoke slowly and methodically.  English was his second language, so it wasn't easy for him to convey all of his emotions while translating at the same time.  He was from Sierra Leone, and he told stories of war, disease, and unthinkable cruelty upon invasion of rebel forces.  He lost twelve of his family members in one night when their city was overtaken.

Once called the "forgotten continent", Africa has persevered through the most frightening of realities.  I was completely absorbed by the story of his life.  He was a pastor of a Christian church in Sierra Leone.  He talked about the horrors of Ebola.  He told us about how he walks past a mass grave containing twelve of his family members, murdered for no reason.  He sadly recalled the assaults on the women in his city, and how he's working to change the culture from women are seen to women are heard.

During the invasion of his city, he stayed to minister and be with his people while the remainder of his family fled for safety.  Every day was uncertain.  Rebel forces would not be kind to a Christian pastor.  Would he live, or would he die?

I wondered if I would be so obedient.  I don't know. 

While sitting in our church, sharing his story, he mentioned he was anxious to return home.  

"I want to help my people, and I miss them." he said with a slight smile.  

The luxuries of America didn't tempt him.  He knew his calling.  "Wickedness is temporary," he said.  "What is lasting is Jesus."

After the service was over, I wanted to find him.  I wanted to tell him that his story mattered to me, and that I needed to hear about his faith.  I wasn't even sure why, but my soul needed it this week and tears stung my eyes as I listened to him talk.  I needed to be reminded about a God who is faithful, regardless of our circumstances.    

I had to stand in line to talk to him.  As I waited, I thought about how many celebrities we would stand in line to talk to, yet very few people were in line to talk to this hero of the faith.  

Finally, my turn came.  "Thank you for coming here to see us," I said.  "And thank you for sharing your story.  You are a warrior for Christ."

He nodded kindly.  "I am leaving America so encouraged."

I was glad I mustered up the courage to share my gratitude.  It was the least I could do.  As we walked away, my son said, "He reminds me of Paul in the Bible,".  

I learned a lot from this great man from Africa today.  His lessons around how to persevere through stressful situations really hit home for me.  While I haven't experienced nearly the horrors he's lived through, the daily battles against fear and the strongholds of trauma are also real in my life.  

From Fear to Faith:  In the midst of a dark and broken world, prayer is an exercise of faith and a weapon against fear.  I can recall the first few months of being on my own after my ex-husband and I separated.  I'd never known fear like it came for me during that time.  I felt like I couldn't breathe, and it threatened to overtake me.  When we are deep in the grip of fear, life can feel hopeless.

But, God's power in us helps us to overcome fear.  When we fear, we need to go to God with our prayers.  We can be very intentional with our prayers.  There's nothing wrong with asking God for a new house, a car, or a promotion.  But something happens when we are intentional with our relationship with God.  Things feel different when we pray God I want to conquer this fear by knowing you more.  I want to read my Bible not for what I can get out of it, but because I want to know you.  Open my eyes to see people the way you see them.  Teach me who you are.

During those tumultuous years of my life, my world was so upside-down that I didn't trust myself to make good decisions.  My confidence was shot, and I wasn't even sure if I could lead myself and my kids out of this gigantic mess.  I remember being so tired of questioning myself and worrying about whether I was right or wrong.  I asked God, Just teach me your ways, Lord.  I'm tired of mine.  I'm tired of wondering if I'm doing things right or not.  Your ways are always the right ways, so please just teach me Your ways.

In times of great stress, be intentional with prayer and desire God more than ever.  

From Noise to Silence:  The devil brings noise, chaos and confusion.  When I was hurt deeply through my divorce, sometimes the anger was so loud in my ears I could barely hear anything else.  My flesh was screaming for revenge.  My mind meditated on the confusion, trying to make sense of it all.  What should I do?  What is the next move?

Be still and see what God is doing.

In times of great stress, the distractions are overwhelming.  When we're distracted, Christ isn't at the center anymore.  Our center moves from one thing to the next, focusing on an area that needs attention until another problem surfaces.  It creates instability, and we feel like we're adrift at sea, floating from one big wave to another.  Emotions rise and fall, and we're along for the ride just trying to hang on.  

But, we can be still.  

We can make Christ the center, our One and Only, the Lord of our life.  It doesn't mean things won't become difficult, but we don't have to be at the mercy of those waves any longer.  Christ stands above all problems, above all waves in our lives.  He walked on water, after all, on the same waves that would drown you or I.  

From Envy to Contentment:  Envy is simply wanting what someone else has.  Maybe you wish your marriage was like theirs.  They have a nice house.  A better car.  Maybe they're more attractive.  They receive more love than you.  They're never rejected.  They always land on their feet, no matter the situation.

Whatever it is, envy is the pain of wanting what someone else has.  Envy is multiplied in times of great stress, because our joy is already under attack.  But, when you really think about it, envy is truly wanting what you feel you lack.  No one wants a new vacuum if they already have one (I'll be honest, I never want a new vacuum).  No one wants a new toothbrush when they have twelve at home.  We want what we don't have.

Or more precisely, what we don't think we have.

God can fill any void and in face, God is the only true solution to the voids in our life.  When we perceive life knowing God fulfills our needs, we can move from envy to contentment.  We don't have to look at the world, trying to figure out how it will fill our needs.   Our neighbor with the new car doesn't stir jealousy, because we don't need a new car to compete (or whatever the reason).  In fact, we may drive our old car because its affordable.  I mean, who are they to judge our old car?  Hypothetically?

A life of contentment is a life of peace.  Not wanting or needing what others have is a form of spiritual freedom, and frees us from the stress of needing to compete.  

Psalm 37:4  Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Remember, in the most dire of all circumstances, be intentional in seeking Jesus.  He will carry you through. 

I woke up in the middle of the night with a start.  The nightmare was recurring.  I was going to lose my house, and the kids and I weren't going to have a place to live.  The fear haunted me over and over, especially during the first days after my separation from my husband.  I wasn't making enough money at the time to cover all of our bills.  I didn't know what I was going to do.

I hit my knees in the middle of the night, for so many nights.  Please, Lord.  Don't let me lose our house.  Please keep my home for me.  I would record statements of faith, telling myself I was going to sell my house when I wanted to, not because I was losing my home.

The Lord heard my prayers.  He kept me from losing my home.  Every time I thought I wasn't going to be able to make the mortgage payment, somehow money would come through the door and I would be OK.  God is so faithful, and his faithfulness is consistent even though we don't deserve it.  Amen?

God took care of me.  He will take care of you, too.

It seems that in our times of greatest need, God opens His blessings upon us.  Sometimes we don't see it, because the pressure within our lives is so intense.  But, in loss, God always gives us three things:  faith, hope and love.  All three are tremendous blessings, and I don't know what I would have done without them during the darkest times of my life.

Faith:  

My son was diagnosed with a brain tumor when he was seven years old.  If you follow my story, you know he recurred again when he was fifteen, and he is living a healthy life now.  But, that first diagnosis was absolutely stunning to us.  I was still married at the time, and we were going to Memphis for his first brain surgery.  To say we were stressed was an understatement.  

The day before checking into the hospital, we went to the local mall.  I don't know why, but I think we needed to get out of our room and be around people a bit.  We wanted to get our minds on something besides the dreaded surgical check-in that was looming ahead.

As we were walking around the mall, a stranger approached my husband.  He said, "Sir, I'm sorry to intrude, but I just wanted to know if I could pray for you."  The tears flowed down our faces as this man, a perfect stranger, prayed over us.  He had no way of knowing our son was going in for brain surgery the next morning.  As we talked to him further, we learned he was a pastor, simply following the prodding of God to approach a perfect stranger and pray for them.

In times of tremendous difficulty, God does incredible things to grow our faith.  When I think of the blessings in my life, the greatest of all blessings must be the way He's grown my faith.  God Himself is our blessing, and His greatest gift to us is Him.  He goes out of His way to remind us He isn't going to leave our side during our darkest of times.

Hope:

God gives us hope through the expectation of eternal life with Him.  There's more to life than this world, and Heaven is where we will spend eternity with our savior.  No matter what we're going through, we know that all of this is temporary.  I don't know about you, but I can't wait for Heaven.

I'm reading a book by Randy Alcorn called Heaven, and it is fascinating to study the subject.  Belief in heaven isn't just a nice thought once in a while.  It is life-sustaining.  It is what gives us hope.  We are destined to live in resurrected bodies on a resurrected Earth!  Can you believe it?  Can you even imagine it?  I like to try.  

We'll never be cold (my freezing feet will be no more!).  We'll never be tired.  I bet the food is really good.  Perhaps my frizzy hair will stay under control.  But, do you know the best thing of all?  We will see Jesus face to face.  This wonderous, amazing savior who suffered on the cross for you and I, will be in our very presence.  I can only imagine my never-ending tears.  How do you even begin to say thank you?

Nothing will ever compare to it.  We've never experienced anything like it.  Yet the bible promises it to us.  We've done nothing to earn it, however it is ours through grace and faith.  

Love:

God's love is not the same as earthly love.  That's because His love is unconditional.  He isn't going to stop speaking to you because you did something stupid, or mean, or sinful.  He made you so He can love you.  He made you to be in relationship with Him.  Even if your stressful situation is your own doing, He isn't going anywhere.  We can't truly understand this, because this type of love doesn't exist on earth.

Imagine your worst sin.  Now imagine Jesus coming along with a white paintbrush, covering the dark stain that has been left by that sin.  But, it doesn't come for free.  For each brushstroke removing your dark stain, you hear a clanking noise.  It is the hammer hitting the nail, causing agonizing pain for Him.  But, he continues.  He moves onto your next area of shame, eradicating the darkness.  The noise is heard again, and His pain is evident.  But, He knows He must endure it so he can spend eternity with you.

We don't know this kind of love.  

Any God who would endure something like this does not abandon us in a time of need.  He is ever-present, ever-loving, and always faithful.  

John 10:10  The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

One of the most difficult things about going through something traumatic is navigating the changes that come from it.  In my case, with my divorce, I was already traumatized by the deterioration of my marriage.  But, in the midst of it all, the ramifications of the event itself requires so many decisions.  What do finances look like now?  Where will we live?  How will I work and take care of kids at the same time?  It is difficult to think clearly, let alone make these huge decisions.

Don't get me wrong, these are important decisions.  But, looking back on it now, the biggest decisions coming from life-changing events are spiritual.  All of these spiritual questions that seem to appear boil down to one central idea.  Do we want to live life with or without God?  Something as serious as divorce causes you to re-examine your identity.  What will the focus of your life be on a daily basis now?

Speaking from a place of total transparency, I was tempted to throw a lot of my beliefs out the window during the first few months of our separation.  I wanted to get away from my problems.  I would rather go out with friends and have some drinks than face a stack of unpaid bills at home.  I'm grateful for my kids, because during this time, I knew I couldn't become the exact opposite of the values I'd taught them.  I loved them more than I loved myself at that time, and I continued on the right road for them.

Isn't interesting how the devil comes into our lives at the most opportune times?  He loves trying to numb our broken hearts with anything other than God. Even though the devil tried to hide it, the real question that was sitting in front of me was whether I still stood for Christ when my life fell apart.  Did I want a life with or without God?  

I didn't make all of my decisions perfectly, trust me.  But I eventually chose to continue a life with God.  Once I gave into that decision, He became my lifeline, my true Savior that saved me in the midst of my pain.  I started to ask, God please tell me how to choose you.  Show me how to get closer to you.  Teach me to seek decisions that bring me peace rather than chaos.

God is so faithful, and He gave me concrete ways to seek Him.  I made a list (of course I did!) in case you're in a similar situation.  You've chosen to trust God, but you're needing to be close to Him.  You're needing to know Him better.  You need to know He loves you, and you need to be reassured that He's there and He's not going to let you fall. 

I know that type of desperation, and here's what I learned: 

Develop some routines.  With my personality, I have to be careful with this one.  But, I needed something I did every day that cultivated a more loving relationship with God.  I would suggest starting with just one routine if you are wired like me and can easily cross into a line of legalism.  I'll assign myself ten routines off the bat, then I'll feel like a failure if I don't do all of them.  Don't do this!  This is about God, not you, so don't make the focus of this around your own performance.  

Find yourself a routine that allows you to communicate with God.  Perhaps it is time with a journal.  Maybe at breakfast, you break out your Bible while you eat your eggs.  If you need some exercise, maybe a walk with God is a great routine to begin your day.  A long drive into work could offer opportunities to talk to God.  Whatever it is, find something you can do every day that will allow you to connect with God without distraction.

I'm not sure I recommend my routine, but I'll tell you what I did anyway.  I took some serious notes during church at this time of my life.  I also had a long commute into work that took nearly two hours a day of my time.  So, during my commute I would read my notes out loud to myself.  There's safety concerns with this, so I don't recommend you repeat it.  But, I was just so desperate to get God into my mind that I would sit and repeat those notes over and over to myself while I drove.

By the time I got to work, many days I was in tears.  As I read through my church notes and verses, every day there would be a new layer of truth revealed to me.  I would learn something else about God's love for me, and I was so starved for love during this time of my life, that coming into contact with God's perfect love released a flood of tears every morning.  It was healing, and it was something my heart needed so much.

Make God the center of your life.    I was in such a place of desperation that I simply told myself God has to be at the center of everything, because anything else was too painful.  God had to come first and everything else needed to be second.  I needed Him to lead the way, because I didn't trust myself to be in the driver's seat of my own life anymore.

Everything we do pours out of what's at the center of our life.  If you're beating yourself up because you're not the person you want to be, please stop feeling terrible.  I spent a lot of years trying to change myself overnight.  My focus was on my behavior.  But, what pours out of you comes from what's at the center of your heart.  Instead of trying so hard to change myself, I realized I had to make a shift to put God first.  He has to be the source of our love and that's what changes a person.  We can't give others what we don't have, and we need God's love to be the focus of our life.

There's a good section in Deuteronomy that talks about making God's truths the center of our lives:

Deuteronomy 6:7-9 Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 8 Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. 9 Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates.

Start today.  Its never too late to start (or restart) utilizing routines to make God the center of your life.  Choose one.  Plan your day, and if something comes up and you're unable to complete your routine, try again.  The devil will try all kinds of things to derail you, but don't give up.  Making God the center of your life is life-changing, and you can restart as many times as you need.

We will always choose to make something the center of our lives.  When we don't choose to make God the center, we will inevitably choose something much worse.  We may choose anger, alcohol, bitterness, or many other destructive tendencies. 

Instead, work to integrate God into all situations and circumstances, make Him the center, and watch your life change.  He truly is our Savior.